Wellspring is an amazing organization that provides programs and support to those with cancer and their families. They offer programs like therapy, medication, yoga, therapeutic touch, reiki and tai chi. The building also houses a library with books, brochures and other information on all types of cancer, and the organizations that support those suffering from the disease.
The lives of many of the people who work and volunteer at Wellspring have been touched by cancer.
I attended one of their meditation sessions, which gave me some new skills with which to relax. Last week, I went to a therapeutic touch appointment.
I didn't know what to expect, but given the name, I did expect some touching. But the therapist only touched my feet - very briefly. She touched the energy surrounding my body, moving it around and getting rid of the negative energy.
It was very different from what I usually partake in (massage therapy), but I told myself to keep an open mind. At the end of the session, I was given 15 minutes to rest. During that time, I fluctuated between the vivid, dream-like state just before sleep and conscious wakefulness. Given this response, I apparently responded well to therapeutic touch.
Science has proven the body heals faster when individuals use a relaxation method to relieve stress. I'm all for healing faster. If I can employ some of my relaxation methods after my surgery, perhaps I'll get back on my feet faster.
Yesterday, my kids attended an art therapy class at Wellspring. Its goal is to help the kids talk about the cancer and their feelings, while doing art. Yesterday, they made medallions as a gift for me and Michael. They also made medallions for each other to symbolize that they can stick together through this terrible experience. My medallions say, Stay strong from Noah and I love (as a heart) u mom from Tara. I asked if I could bring them to the hospital, to which Noah replied, of course.
The therapist said the kids were very good at verbalizing their emotions, which they learn through modelling. I try to be open and honest with my kids and apparently, it's paying off. Maybe they won't bottle up their negative emotions and then turn them into an inappropriate response during non-related situations.
I used to bury my negative emotions, but this experience has taught me to be more open with them, which has enhanced relationships (instead of damaging them, which is what I expected).
Yesterday, my family and I enhanced our relationship by starting our mini-vacation with some fun activities around London. After our garage sale experience, which yielded few good finds, we went to see the movie UP. It was awesome, although some of the scenes really made me cry. I'm still emotional about it a day later!
Today with head to Toronto to visit some good friends before we head to our hotel (with a pool), where we'll meet up with my sis and her family. Tomorrow we all hit Canada's Wonderland. Yeah! The weather is supposed to be beautiful.
So don't expect a blog tomorrow. But I think I've babbled on enough today anyway.
Tina
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
I love Saturdays
Saturday morning is my favourite time of the week. I love sleeping until I wake up. I can't say sleep in because my body doesn't do that any more. I usually wake up between 6 and 7 a.m. - 7:30 is really sleeping in!
Once up, I turn on the coffee and retrieve the newspaper from the mailbox. I love the lazy feeling of sitting on my couch, sipping coffee and reading about the latest news.
That's what I did this morning. Now I'm going to partake in another of my favourite summer Saturday pastimes - the garage sale. Our entire family loves to travel from house to house, looking for a bargain. You can't have any expectations when you go to garage sales. Some days, we find bargains galore and other days there's zilch.
This will probably be my last day of garage saling (is that a word?) for a while. But we'll have fun.
This beautiful Saturday stretches before me with unknown promise. Maybe we'll see a movie this afternoon, perhaps we'll grill some pork chops on the BBQ for dinner - if we aren't full from popcorn.
I love days like these - when you can follow your whims of pleasure.
Enjoy your Saturday, may it bring you some unexpected pleasure. If not, create your own. Take joy in the little things life brings your way.
Tina
Once up, I turn on the coffee and retrieve the newspaper from the mailbox. I love the lazy feeling of sitting on my couch, sipping coffee and reading about the latest news.
That's what I did this morning. Now I'm going to partake in another of my favourite summer Saturday pastimes - the garage sale. Our entire family loves to travel from house to house, looking for a bargain. You can't have any expectations when you go to garage sales. Some days, we find bargains galore and other days there's zilch.
This will probably be my last day of garage saling (is that a word?) for a while. But we'll have fun.
This beautiful Saturday stretches before me with unknown promise. Maybe we'll see a movie this afternoon, perhaps we'll grill some pork chops on the BBQ for dinner - if we aren't full from popcorn.
I love days like these - when you can follow your whims of pleasure.
Enjoy your Saturday, may it bring you some unexpected pleasure. If not, create your own. Take joy in the little things life brings your way.
Tina
Friday, June 12, 2009
I have a list
I have five days before my surgery, and since I'll be down for the count for a while, I have a list of things to accomplish.
I've always been a list person. I already have too many facts and reminders in my head that when a new one makes its way in, another one seems to fall out (or maybe it's old age). Anyway, I write down tasks and reminders - both at home and especially at work - and take great joy crossing off the finished jobs.
My list now encompasses a couple of weeks, including the last week of school.
Yes, I know Michael is capable of accomplishing some of these jobs, and I will rely on him to make sure they get done. But the list will help ensure we don't miss something. I'm sure he'll have other thoughts and worries on his mind, in addition to working, shuffling the kids around, visiting me in the hospital and tending to me when I get home.
I'll probably spend Father's Day weekend in the hospital, which isn't much fun for Michael. And since the kids aren't good planners yet I'll ensure a gift is ready in advance. (Tara wants to but she isn't capable of doing too much and Noah's reached the ambivalent stage). In fact, we'll probably celebrate Father's Day for Michael a little early.
Of course, the last week of school involves lots of activities including a strawberry social, a field trip to the zoo and parties. Then there's the end-of-school teacher gifts I need to obtain.
Then Tara still has soccer twice a week. Whew!
At least once school ends, the need to check homework, study for tests, write notes to the school, etc. ends. I'm very lucky that my in laws are ready and willing to take the kids whenever I need to rest - and they're willing to be flexible.
Flexibility is the story of my life these days. I can't make plans too far in advance since I don't know how I'll feel or how quickly I'll recover. Luckily, most people understand, don't expect too much from me and call with offers of help - whatever that may entail. Thank you.
Of course, on my list is packing for the fun mini-vacation this weekend to Toronto and Canada's Wonderland. I'm looking forward to spending time with my family and satisfying my thrill-seeking nature.
Writing my blog for Friday - check. That task is off my list today. ;)
Enjoy your Friday. Hopefully you have some fun tasks on your list.
Tina
I've always been a list person. I already have too many facts and reminders in my head that when a new one makes its way in, another one seems to fall out (or maybe it's old age). Anyway, I write down tasks and reminders - both at home and especially at work - and take great joy crossing off the finished jobs.
My list now encompasses a couple of weeks, including the last week of school.
Yes, I know Michael is capable of accomplishing some of these jobs, and I will rely on him to make sure they get done. But the list will help ensure we don't miss something. I'm sure he'll have other thoughts and worries on his mind, in addition to working, shuffling the kids around, visiting me in the hospital and tending to me when I get home.
I'll probably spend Father's Day weekend in the hospital, which isn't much fun for Michael. And since the kids aren't good planners yet I'll ensure a gift is ready in advance. (Tara wants to but she isn't capable of doing too much and Noah's reached the ambivalent stage). In fact, we'll probably celebrate Father's Day for Michael a little early.
Of course, the last week of school involves lots of activities including a strawberry social, a field trip to the zoo and parties. Then there's the end-of-school teacher gifts I need to obtain.
Then Tara still has soccer twice a week. Whew!
At least once school ends, the need to check homework, study for tests, write notes to the school, etc. ends. I'm very lucky that my in laws are ready and willing to take the kids whenever I need to rest - and they're willing to be flexible.
Flexibility is the story of my life these days. I can't make plans too far in advance since I don't know how I'll feel or how quickly I'll recover. Luckily, most people understand, don't expect too much from me and call with offers of help - whatever that may entail. Thank you.
Of course, on my list is packing for the fun mini-vacation this weekend to Toronto and Canada's Wonderland. I'm looking forward to spending time with my family and satisfying my thrill-seeking nature.
Writing my blog for Friday - check. That task is off my list today. ;)
Enjoy your Friday. Hopefully you have some fun tasks on your list.
Tina
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Cosmetics and chuckles
Cancer treatments can severely affect a woman's opinion of herself. Her hair falls out or thins significantly, her brows and lashes dissapear, skin gets dry and flaky, bags develop under her eyes, nails get brittle, and acne and red spots can appear on her skin.
That's doesn't include bruising from multiple needles (or silly accidents) and the inability to heal as quickly. Internally, chemotherapy can also cause mouth sores, dry eyes and dry nasal passages.
As a result, a woman can feel incredibly ugly - a shadow of her former self - and she may not want to socialize, which alienates her when she needs support.
Those feelings are the reason the Look Good, Feel Better program was created. The program believes a woman can learn to use skin care products, cosmetics and wigs to create a new look and feel better about herself.
Last night, I went to this program with my friend, Diane, who I knew would make me laugh. And I was right - especially when it came to trying on the different wigs. I think she now has blackmail pictures of me!
During the two-hour session, the instructor and some great volunteers taught all the women how to use the skin care products to moisturize our delicate skin, and apply the costmetics to hide the dark circles and brighten our faces.
I think I was the only one who was seriously losing her eyebrows. But I learned how to draw them in to look natural for when the last strands decide to make the escape from my face. No, I did not draw in surprised eyebrows or angry eyebrows. ;)
We all walked away from the session looking great and toting a big box of products that included: facial wash, moisturizer, toner, sun screen, face powder, lip balm, lipsticks, lip gloss, lip liner, eye shadow, eye brow pencil, eye liner, mascara, blush, hand cream and cutlicle cream. These products were all generously donated by top cosmetic companies, including Dove, Lancome, MAC, Lise Watier, Clinique and Mary Kay, to name a few.
While I have the cosmetic tips, I probably won't use them as often as some of the women who attended the session. I often don't wear make up when I'm not at work or going to a special event. I rarely used foundation, even when I was well. But having the skin care tips and the knowledge of how to use cosmetics to enhance my appearance is valuable.
After the make up application, we got to try on a variety of different wigs, hair pieces and hats. A couple looked good on me, but several looked absolutely terrible, and Diane and I found it terribly funny. I had to laugh at how ridiculous I looked. One hair piece was only bangs to be worn with a head scarf. To be a good sport, I put it on (despite belly chuckling laughter) and Diane snapped a photo. Oh no!
Overall it was a fun night, I walked away with some great trips to use to disguise the effects of chemotherapy and I gleefully accepted my big box of skin care products and cosmetics. I felt like a kid at Christmas.
This program is incredibly valuable and wouldn't be possible without the generous donations by the cosmetic companies and the volunteers who give up time. It was educational and fun, which women with cancer need a little more of in their lives. I would highly recommend this program to any woman suffering from cancer. (And the big box of goodies is awesome!)
Your more beautiful friend,
Tina
That's doesn't include bruising from multiple needles (or silly accidents) and the inability to heal as quickly. Internally, chemotherapy can also cause mouth sores, dry eyes and dry nasal passages.
As a result, a woman can feel incredibly ugly - a shadow of her former self - and she may not want to socialize, which alienates her when she needs support.
Those feelings are the reason the Look Good, Feel Better program was created. The program believes a woman can learn to use skin care products, cosmetics and wigs to create a new look and feel better about herself.
Last night, I went to this program with my friend, Diane, who I knew would make me laugh. And I was right - especially when it came to trying on the different wigs. I think she now has blackmail pictures of me!
During the two-hour session, the instructor and some great volunteers taught all the women how to use the skin care products to moisturize our delicate skin, and apply the costmetics to hide the dark circles and brighten our faces.
I think I was the only one who was seriously losing her eyebrows. But I learned how to draw them in to look natural for when the last strands decide to make the escape from my face. No, I did not draw in surprised eyebrows or angry eyebrows. ;)
We all walked away from the session looking great and toting a big box of products that included: facial wash, moisturizer, toner, sun screen, face powder, lip balm, lipsticks, lip gloss, lip liner, eye shadow, eye brow pencil, eye liner, mascara, blush, hand cream and cutlicle cream. These products were all generously donated by top cosmetic companies, including Dove, Lancome, MAC, Lise Watier, Clinique and Mary Kay, to name a few.
While I have the cosmetic tips, I probably won't use them as often as some of the women who attended the session. I often don't wear make up when I'm not at work or going to a special event. I rarely used foundation, even when I was well. But having the skin care tips and the knowledge of how to use cosmetics to enhance my appearance is valuable.
After the make up application, we got to try on a variety of different wigs, hair pieces and hats. A couple looked good on me, but several looked absolutely terrible, and Diane and I found it terribly funny. I had to laugh at how ridiculous I looked. One hair piece was only bangs to be worn with a head scarf. To be a good sport, I put it on (despite belly chuckling laughter) and Diane snapped a photo. Oh no!
Overall it was a fun night, I walked away with some great trips to use to disguise the effects of chemotherapy and I gleefully accepted my big box of skin care products and cosmetics. I felt like a kid at Christmas.
This program is incredibly valuable and wouldn't be possible without the generous donations by the cosmetic companies and the volunteers who give up time. It was educational and fun, which women with cancer need a little more of in their lives. I would highly recommend this program to any woman suffering from cancer. (And the big box of goodies is awesome!)
Your more beautiful friend,
Tina
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Thankfully full bellies
The Bratscher family doesn't need to worry about going hungry. My amazing support team continues to astound me with their gifts of food. At least once a week, someone provides a beautiful meal and/or dessert for me and my family to enjoy.
We've had shepherd's pie, lasagna, a mexican casserole, raspberry/cranberry bread, rhubard compote, cinnamon bread, a (still warm) fruit cake, rice krispie squares, brownies, chocolate chip cookies and soup delivered with smiles and hugs to my home. (Please forgive me if I forgot something!)
I've even had a guest chef prepare a meal in my home with a sundried tomato and chicken pasta with cream sauce, caesar salad, macaroni and cheese, death by chocolate and apple crisp. Mmmm.
That's to say nothing about the lunches brought in from the London Life cafeteria (can you say carrot cake?) and the ones I've been treated to at restaurants with friends and family.
It's really a good thing that I've stopped worrying about my weight. Besides a healthy person with a little meat on her bones can tolerate the effects of chemo better than a skinny person (because if I don't feel like eating too much, I've got the stores to draw on and therefore I won't get too skinny). Who knew it would be a bonus one day?
I know my wonderful friends at London Life have a food schedule planned - and for that I'm enormously grateful. I know once I have the surgery, my cooking days are over for a little while. That's why I've frozen some of the food sent my way. Now Michael doesn't have to worry about what's for dinner - after taking care of me, the house, the kids, work, etc.
As much as I appreciate all of this, I feel guilty (I think it's due to my Catholic upbringing). And since I'm feeling good, the guilt is intensified. I feel there is no way I can repay everyone for the nice things they're doing for me. (And yes, I know I don't have to repay anyone but the feeling is still there). I feel I don't deserve all this kindness and support. It really is quite overwhelming.
But as my friend, Jodi, pointed out, people help because they want to do something to make things easier. Friends rally during sickness to support individuals and their families. Jodi went through this when her dad was sick. She told me she hoped the experience would make her more compassionate and understanding for someone else going through the same situation - and it has, because she's been amazing. In fact, so many people have been, and I know will continue to be amazing. I'm blessed to be surrounded by so many supportive people.
I know I have to let go of the guilt and realize people want and sometimes need to do something. As the individual with cancer, I have to fight alone and there's little others can do to directly help. But they can ease the stress, burden, sadness and loneliness of the fight - and you're all doing a great job.
Your thankful friend (who still feels guilty),
Tina
We've had shepherd's pie, lasagna, a mexican casserole, raspberry/cranberry bread, rhubard compote, cinnamon bread, a (still warm) fruit cake, rice krispie squares, brownies, chocolate chip cookies and soup delivered with smiles and hugs to my home. (Please forgive me if I forgot something!)
I've even had a guest chef prepare a meal in my home with a sundried tomato and chicken pasta with cream sauce, caesar salad, macaroni and cheese, death by chocolate and apple crisp. Mmmm.
That's to say nothing about the lunches brought in from the London Life cafeteria (can you say carrot cake?) and the ones I've been treated to at restaurants with friends and family.
It's really a good thing that I've stopped worrying about my weight. Besides a healthy person with a little meat on her bones can tolerate the effects of chemo better than a skinny person (because if I don't feel like eating too much, I've got the stores to draw on and therefore I won't get too skinny). Who knew it would be a bonus one day?
I know my wonderful friends at London Life have a food schedule planned - and for that I'm enormously grateful. I know once I have the surgery, my cooking days are over for a little while. That's why I've frozen some of the food sent my way. Now Michael doesn't have to worry about what's for dinner - after taking care of me, the house, the kids, work, etc.
As much as I appreciate all of this, I feel guilty (I think it's due to my Catholic upbringing). And since I'm feeling good, the guilt is intensified. I feel there is no way I can repay everyone for the nice things they're doing for me. (And yes, I know I don't have to repay anyone but the feeling is still there). I feel I don't deserve all this kindness and support. It really is quite overwhelming.
But as my friend, Jodi, pointed out, people help because they want to do something to make things easier. Friends rally during sickness to support individuals and their families. Jodi went through this when her dad was sick. She told me she hoped the experience would make her more compassionate and understanding for someone else going through the same situation - and it has, because she's been amazing. In fact, so many people have been, and I know will continue to be amazing. I'm blessed to be surrounded by so many supportive people.
I know I have to let go of the guilt and realize people want and sometimes need to do something. As the individual with cancer, I have to fight alone and there's little others can do to directly help. But they can ease the stress, burden, sadness and loneliness of the fight - and you're all doing a great job.
Your thankful friend (who still feels guilty),
Tina
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Run for Ovarian Cancer video
The awesome videographers from work created the attached video to commemorate the Run for Ovarian Cancer. If you were there, you'll remember the amazing Matt Dow circulating and videotaping that day.
Warning: You may need a tissue during the watching of this video (I know I did - and I was there and many of the photos are from me)!
A special thanks to everyone who worked on this project. I love it!
Tina
Preadmission
According to the hospital, I'm ready for my surgery next week because I attended my preadmission appointment yesterday morning (three hours!). Mentally, I think I'm there. Of course, every night as I try to go to sleep, I think about my operation and how I'll manage the recovery process.
I want this done and over with so I can move on. The worst should come the day after surgery when the wound is fresh, I'm actually conscious, the hospital staff teach me how to get out of bed without using my ab muscles and get me up to walk, etc. But then I'm on the road to recovery and each day should be better than the one before. That's what I'm hoping anyway.
During my appointment, I was fitted for TEDs - special socks to prevent dangerous blood clots. I'll wear these thigh high socks, which will be hooked up to a pump that will inflate every 20 to 60 second to pump the blood back up to my heart. Apparently, they feel like a massage, but I'll see. Right now it sounds like it'd be annoying and prevent me from getting any sleep. To top it off, the socks are supposed to be hard to get on and off - sounds constricting. Oh well, I think they'll be the least of my worries and once I get up and walking around, they can come off.
The nurse said the surgery is about three hours and then I'll spend about three hours in the recovery room before being moved up to my hopsital room. Sounds like a long day hanging out in the hospital for my poor family. Of course, I'll be taking a long nap that day and probably will be fairly groggy from the anaesthesia and pain medication into the night.
My anticipated length of stay is three to five days, with day one being the Thursday. So I should be home early the following week, barring any complications (heaven forbid).
My recovery time will be at least four months. For the first six weeks, I can't lift anything over 10 lbs. vacuum or do any exercises that will strain my abdominal muscles (whatever is left). For the following three months, I can't lift anything heavier than 20 lbs.
Yesterday, a research nurse asked if I'd be willing to provide my tumours for research into the cause and treatment of cancer. I told her they could have whatever they wanted if it could help me or other women. I honestly don't understand why someone wouldn't provide consent.
So, the surgery is a week tomorrow and I'm cramming in lots of activity between now and then. I'm trying not to freak out about it, although it's hard as I try to shut my mind down for bed. The social worker yesterday said I had a good attitude because I was so positive. But I have to be to get through this.
I'd appreciate it if you would keep me in your thoughts and prayers, especially next Wednesday.
Tina
I want this done and over with so I can move on. The worst should come the day after surgery when the wound is fresh, I'm actually conscious, the hospital staff teach me how to get out of bed without using my ab muscles and get me up to walk, etc. But then I'm on the road to recovery and each day should be better than the one before. That's what I'm hoping anyway.
During my appointment, I was fitted for TEDs - special socks to prevent dangerous blood clots. I'll wear these thigh high socks, which will be hooked up to a pump that will inflate every 20 to 60 second to pump the blood back up to my heart. Apparently, they feel like a massage, but I'll see. Right now it sounds like it'd be annoying and prevent me from getting any sleep. To top it off, the socks are supposed to be hard to get on and off - sounds constricting. Oh well, I think they'll be the least of my worries and once I get up and walking around, they can come off.
The nurse said the surgery is about three hours and then I'll spend about three hours in the recovery room before being moved up to my hopsital room. Sounds like a long day hanging out in the hospital for my poor family. Of course, I'll be taking a long nap that day and probably will be fairly groggy from the anaesthesia and pain medication into the night.
My anticipated length of stay is three to five days, with day one being the Thursday. So I should be home early the following week, barring any complications (heaven forbid).
My recovery time will be at least four months. For the first six weeks, I can't lift anything over 10 lbs. vacuum or do any exercises that will strain my abdominal muscles (whatever is left). For the following three months, I can't lift anything heavier than 20 lbs.
Yesterday, a research nurse asked if I'd be willing to provide my tumours for research into the cause and treatment of cancer. I told her they could have whatever they wanted if it could help me or other women. I honestly don't understand why someone wouldn't provide consent.
So, the surgery is a week tomorrow and I'm cramming in lots of activity between now and then. I'm trying not to freak out about it, although it's hard as I try to shut my mind down for bed. The social worker yesterday said I had a good attitude because I was so positive. But I have to be to get through this.
I'd appreciate it if you would keep me in your thoughts and prayers, especially next Wednesday.
Tina
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