Tests, fun and contemplation

I know, I know, it's been a while since I've written. Sometimes I have nothing profound or interesting to say. But I thought I'd better get on an give you a brief update as to what's been happening.

After my paracentesis (the abdominal draining) my abs were sore for days. A thousand abdominal crunches of pain made coughing, reaching or bending a challenge. That's mostly gone now except for a pesky spot right below my left rib. But I think there's some cancer lurking there so it may be more related to that than to the actual draining procedure.

Friday brought my CT scan. I drank all the peach-flavoured radioactive juice, ate a not-so-great-tasting, pudding-like substance so they could examine in esophagus and inserted something (I didn't ask a lot of details) into my rectum to examine my bowels. I was literally full of substances designed to light me up like a Christmas tree as I was manoeuvered through the CT tube. Of course I also had to have the IV inserted into my arm so they could shoot some more radioactive dye through my veins part way through the procedure.

As an aside, I have a pet peeve. I get this port-a-cath inserted, which is state of the art and designed to handle any type of procedure, whether it's taking blood out of me or inserting various fluids into me for tests, transfusions, etc. Yet, no one except the folks in the cancer clinic know how to use them. When I asked during the CT scan, the technican assured me the radioactive dye could go in through the port, but they hadn't been trained on them. My home care nurse says she's never been trained on them. Why have this device that makes a patient's life less painful and complicated, and then don't train anyone on it. Sheesh.

After a week of tests, my family and I had a weekend of fun. We left Saturday morning and went to the Royal Ontario Museum (ROM) to take in the exhibits. I brought a wheelchair so I wouldn't hamper their progress and, as a result, I was wheeled about like a queen. Then we spent the night in Toronto, saw a greenhouse (that was right across from our hotel), visited with some friends in Oakville and then caught a bit of a concert in Burlington before making out way home. Needless to say, a restless sleep in the hotel room and all the activity had me pretty exhausted by Sunday night. So much so, I slept in until 10:30 a.m. on Monday morning. I can't remember the last time I did that. (And I still needed a nap during the day.)

Today I'm doing some much-needed catching up on paperwork and phone calls. I also have an appointment with the spiritual care worker at the cancer centre. I do believe my spirit needs some care and some guidance as I travel down this journey. This woman has been down this road with many, many individuals and couples who've been in our position. It doesn't hurt to gleen what we can from her experience.

As with every part of this cancer journey, I'm trying to sort through the advice to make the best decisions for me. Do I choose a special diet? Do I drink a "magic" tea? Do I use acupuncture, reiki and therapeutic touch? Do I stay on this particular chemo? Do I take a holiday from chemo? Do I involve palliative care at this point? Do I still have ways left to fight or should I just enjoy the time I have left? It's all so confusing - and all so life altering. Some of these decisions ARE a matter of life and death. It gives a woman a lot to think about.

Tina