Reality and balance

It's so easy to allow myself to forget; not that I have cancer, but the seriousness of ovarian cancer. But then I'll hear or read something and the reality of my situation crashes down around me again. Things like,

Most women who are diagnosed with ovarian cancer don't make it past five years.

The majority of research is done on treating ovarian cancer because by the time most women are diagnosed, it's extremely serious.

Women who have the BRCA gene mutations tend to have aggressively growing cancers.

I've lost far too many friends to ovarian cancer.

Ovarian cancer could be like a chronic disease, with a woman going through treatment 10 times or more.

Then I've read some blogs from ovarian cancer warriors who experience constant pain and have transportable pain pumps or ones inserted under their skin. I hear about hospital visits, complications and death.

Then:

1. I consider myself lucky to be where I am right now - relatively healthy and getting stronger.

2. I wonder if I'm living life to the fullest.

3. I question my priorities and how much emphasis I'm placing on certain activities - and the amount of stress I'm putting on myself.

4. I ask, "Why I can't just be kinder and more patient with myself overall."

Right now I feel normal and therefore, I forget I have a life-threatening disease. I want to be normal, but remember the lessons from fighting cancer. I want to live life to the fullest. I want to be able to balance the stress with the fun.

I guess I'm struggling with it all right now. Today, this whole situation just makes me sad.

Tina