Imagery

I play tricks with myself. It helps me deal with the side effects of my treatments a little better. It's also a way of trying to be positive and fight, when I feel like crap.

Last night, when my abdomen and stomach hurt, I used my mind to envision the stealthy, black ninjas stabbing the cancer. I tell myself battles aren't painless and these aches are part of the overall war.

I envision the smoky side effects of the blasting - because war is messy and full of debris - as the culprit behind my upset stomach. Of course, it could be my belly's way of protesting all the drugs I drop into it, including the Olaparib.

The bone pain is a little harder to gussy up in my mind. My cancer isn't in my bones, so why on earth would the battle affect directly affect them? I can't come up with a logical, battle analogy so I stick with the facts.

Chemotherapy targets and kills rapidly-dividing cells, like cancer. But the chemicals aren't sophisticated enough (yet) to target just the cancerous cells, so other rapidly-dividing cells - in the bone marrow, digestive tract and hair follicles - are also affected. Their death causes some of the most common side-effects of chemotherapy, including decreased production of blood cells, inflammation of the lining of the digestive tract and hair loss. I think it's the decreased bone marrow that causes the pain.

So I'm asking for help coming up with a scenario of how the aching feet, legs, shins and thighs fit into my ninja battle scenario. Making pain positive, or at least productive, will help me get through this.

I probably should try less violent vision therapy. Perhaps I could get one of those guided-imagery DVDs to help. But for now, I like thinking the cancer is screaming in pain as my ninjas slice and dice. Die cancer die!

Tina