Leap of faith

For most people, my recent decision wouldn't seem like a big deal. But to me it was a small leap of faith.

Yesterday, I got a Blackberry, with all its bells and whistles. I figured it'd be easier to keep in touch with people while in chemo suites and on the road if I had the little gadget. While cell phone texting is forbidden in hospitals, apparently email or messaging via a smart phone doesn't interfere with the equipment.

I also wanted to be able to communicate with my sister and friend in the U.S., who have Blackberries. Texting them costs money, but Blackberry Messenger does not.

Part of me also wanted newer, cutting edge technology. My antiquated, old cell phone was falling apart and I felt I deserved something cooler. (Yes, I know it's not the new iPhone, but this serves my purposes.) It's also a little bit of excitement in a life full of appointments and medication.

But why is getting a new phone such a big deal? It's the commitment. I had to sacrifice a goat, write my name in blood and sign us up for a three-year contract. Three years! Given that I'm currently battling cancer for the second time in two years, part of me is afraid I won't be able to live (literally) up to my end of the bargain.

Then what happens? Can Michael play the sympathy card down at the local Rogers store and get out of the contract? Does he let one of our kids use the fancy phone? I don't know. I guess at that point, it won't matter to me. Every once in a while, I worry about that kind of scenario and the reprecussions of decisions and life/death. I worry about Michael and all that he'd have to face.

This fear, while strangely not as acute as it was during my first battle, affects a lot of decisions. I just can't plan too far in the future. I just don't know what will happen.

While no one knows what tomorrow will bring, I consider my new phone a little leap of faith this treatment will extend my expiry date to allow me to call, text, surf and send messages far past the expiry date of my new phone contract.

Tina