Up, up, up

Everyone likes to be praised. I was told yesterday by Dr. H, that I'm doing really well on the study. Of course, most of the factors involved are completely outside my control. But the compliment means so many things to me: I can stay on the Olaparib clinical trial, I'm tolerating the side effects fairly well, this drug could actually work for me and they like me, they really like me. Okay, so I'm pushing it with that last one.

But seriously, one of my deep fears is they discover something to disqualify me from the study. Perhaps my lack of tolerance to the drug, my blood cell counts drop too low and don't recover quick enough so as to put me in danger, I get an infection that eliminates my participation, or I injure myself in some other way, which would take precedence over the clinical trial. As I've mentioned before, this study drug gives me hope and I don't want that confidence jeopardized.

That being said, a little part of me is fearful this won't work. Despite two women aleady responding exceedingly well to the Olaparib, I'm afraid I'll be the exception. If two of the four women in Hamilton who are taking the drug show significant improvement, statistics say that I could be the one for whom the big, white pills don't work.

But as I mentioned before, I have absolutely no control over any of this. My body will respond to the combination of the chemo and the Olaparib in uncontrollable ways - of course, the extra drugs to alleviate the side effects do help. The cancer will be beaten down (and eradicated) by the lethal combination or not. I cannot simply will it to work.

Don't get me wrong, the news yesterday was really good, but a small part of me still worries.

But on to the good news. My absolute neuts (part of the white blood cells) rose from 0.9 last Friday morning to 3.8. Whoo hoo! Dr. H and my research nurse, C, were thrilled. As a result of my body's quick recovery during both the first and second round of chemo, I don't have to have my blood drawn during the weeks in between treatment. I just have to be careful during my chemo trough, around day 15, and stay away from sick people and crowds, watch for signs of infection or fever and use my hand sanitizer. I promised I'd call if I had any worrisome symptoms.

My CA-125 is dropping, which indicates the treatment is killing cancer cells. It's now 198. On June 22, when I started, it was 632. It rose on July 14 to 659. It's still a long way from the <35 that it needs to be; but at least I'm now heading in the right direction.

Dr. H examined me yesterday and can't hear any fluid in my abdomen. Now it's just all me (too much of me, but all me). Other than the pesky cancer, I still seem to be healthy. No mouth sores. No tingling in my hands or feet. No lingering side effects from the chemo. So far, so good.

My other blood levels also rose to acceptable levels. My red blood cells and platelets are good. So, I'm good to go with chemo treatment #3 on Friday at 8:30 a.m.

I also got a copy of my CT scan that was done before I started the study. It seems to be radically less ominous than the one I had done in London in May. In fact, the doctor reading the scan had to go back to find a "measurable target lesion" so I could participate in the clinical trial. He chose one of the lesions in the lower right quadrant measuring 2.0 c.m. Most of the cancer seems to be in the omental cake.

In fact, my hernia, which measures 6.5 cm and has "a knuckle of nonobstructed small bowel" and "some ascitic fluid" extending into it freaks me out almost as much as the cancer does.

Sometimes I wonder why they can't just operate, scrape off all the omental caking, remove any noticable tumours, shove my small bowel back in my abdomen, sew up the hernia and remove my gallbladder, with its gallstones. In other words, fix me up. Of course, that would probably exclude me from the clinical trial. Oh, I'm sure one day, I'll get the hernia and gallbladder fixed. But not today.

Today, I prepare for chemo tomorrow. I gather the snacks, swallow my anti-nausea medication, get my prescription filled (I'm back on Prilosec because the new antacid didn't work and I was getting terrible pains when I wasn't even taking Olaparib.) organize my life and try to rest.

I'm eager to complete my third chemotherapy treatment. Wish me luck tomorrow.

Tina