Danger and opportunity

The Chinese symbol for crisis is actually two symbols: danger and opportunity. Cancer is a crisis and no one would dispute it would fall under the danger component of the symbol. But some may question the opportunity the disease presents.

Danger, danger, Will Robinson

Cancer is dangerous because it's a painful, gut-wrenching illness that kills far too many people. The surgery and chemotherapy treatments commonly used cause many side effects and can damage the heart, blood cells, immune system, digestive system, etc. Radiation produces its own set of dangerous side effects.

It's also dangerous to families and relationships because not everyone responds well to a cancer diagnosis. Both patients and those around them may react in unpredictible, unhealthy ways. While we'd like to believe this type of crisis brings people together, that's not always the case. Marriages fall apart, kids get angry with their parent for getting sick, friends disappear, and individuals go into denial and refuse to believe in the seriousness of the situation.

Cancer also presents a danger to the patient's sense of self esteem. It's hard feeling good about yourself when you have a deadly disease growing in your body. The side effects of surgery and treatment can make the cancer patient sick, weak, tired, lose/gain weight, get acne, lose hair, produce scar tissue, cause pallor or jaundice, etc. Many patients can't continue to work or partake in many of the activities of daily living. It can produce a feeling of helplessness and uselessness.

Awesome opportunity

Yet for all the danger cancer brings, it also presents valuable opportunities for cancer patients and those around them. But they have to be open to seeing the good side of an awful disease.

So, as the Chinese symbol indicates, crisis also brings opportunity.

I feel I'm a better person because of the learnings I've gained from cancer and, as a result, enjoy life more. Some of my blog readers tell me they've also changed. While I mentioned some of these before, they bear repeating. Here are a few of the things I've discovered along my cancer journey:

1. Relationships are important and constantly changing. Over the past year and a half, I've repaired relationships, culled or limited soul-sucking ones and deepened others. I've learned it's okay to say no and not have people hate you.

I've gone through rough patches in some relationships; but that trauma only strengthened them. The people in my life and spending time with them is far more important than things, making money or getting a promotion.

2. Work is just work. I used to get all worked up (pun intended) and stressed about my projects. I thought I was the only one who could accomplish the work I was assigned. One of my personality traits is a strong sense of responsibility, so I believed if a task was assigned to me, by God, I had to complete it regardless of how it taxed me.

Cancer taught me, I am replacable at work, I can ask for help and the stress produced trying to be Super Tina isn't worth it. While I value doing a good job and enjoy what I do, I live for what working allows me to do after work.

But I do have a bonus to my job, I actually enjoy so many of the people with whom I work. This allows me to work on those important relationships I discussed above. Lucky me.

3. Everyone has a unique story and I shouldn't be so judgemental. Sure, some people still bug me and I'm still convinced some people don't have a mirror or friends when they wander around in public in a questionable outfit. Like the woman in the grocery store yesterday whose breasts were practically falling out of her too-tight top. But I digress.

We never know the troubles others are experiencing in life. Be kind, be flexible and refrain from making judgements.

4. It's good to be patient. I'm thankful every day I wake up. I don't know how much time I've got on this earth, but I'm not going to waste it by getting impatient about things that don't matter in the whole scheme of life.

For example, I'm a much more patient driver. I rarely talk to drivers who make stupid moves any more. I drive slower. I don't crowd other cars as much. As a result, I actually enjoy driving more.

With my kids, I try to inject more humour into conversations, and I attempt to be more patient and flexible. Although it doesn't always work and at times I lose my cool, I'm doing my best. 

5. Don't sweat the small stuff. I know that's a book title, but it's so appropriate. It's easy to get caught up in little issues or aggravations, that really don't mean anything in the big scheme of things. I'm not saying it's easy to let go of some things, but my son's clean room, an aggravating salesperson, a driver cutting me off in traffic or a perfectly-clean house are not necessarily important.

I tell my son, that when he allows someone to bother him until he gets upset, he's given that person the power to get him in trouble/suspended, ruin his day (my day, his dad's day, his teacher's day) and get privileges taken away at home. Some kids push his buttons inadvertently, while the rotten ones, do it simply to get a rise out of him. I encourage him to let go of the little things that bug him and walk away. He can let others control his mood and his actions, or he can choose to let them go.

6. I've learned when choosing between a chore, or spending time with someone or participating in a fun activity, the tedious job should take a back seat. Again, life's too short.

Cancer's allowed me to learn many, many things about my life. I've said it before, my diagnosis with this disease and the journey it's taken me on has been a gift in many ways. While cancer is indeed a crisis, the optimist in me would rather look at - and share - the opportunity this journey brings.

Have a great day,

Tina