Dratted responsibility

A few years ago, I completed a strength-finder questionnaire at work. My job and performance appraisals before this point, highlighted what I did well, but then targetted areas for improvement, or my weaknesses. The theory behind the exercise (and accompanying book) is leaders should identify a person's strengths and give them tasks based on those strengths - because they'll do them well and, as a result, like them more.

One of my key strengths is responsibility. The book, entitled Now, Discover Your Strenths, defines responsibility as:

Your Responsibility theme forces you to take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your good name depends on it. If for some reason you cannot deliver, you automatically start to look for ways to make it up to the other person. Apologies are not enough. Excuses and rationalizations are totally unacceptable.

This character trait explains why I've been waking up in the night and fretting during the day. I feel it's my responsibility to ensure Team Tina's fundraising efforts for the Run for Ovarian Cancer are successful. I feel a tightening in my gut when I realize we're not close to the $6,000 mark (the threshold to which London Life will match donations).

I wonder why we don't have as many participants this year (I know everyone is busy and there are lots of great causes out there). I feel compelled to ask more people for donations and be pushy in a way that is uncomfortable for me. As a result, my responsibility and empathy traits (sensing the emotions of those around me) are in conflict, which doesn't feel good either.

Of course, it doesn't help the team bears my name.


I try to tell myself I can't take on the fundraising efforts of Team Tina, let alone the run as a whole. I'm doing the best I can, which should be good enough, but for some reason I still feel bad.

Then there's the responsibility of being able to run the 5 km. My running efforts are slow and my enthusiasm is waning. Again, I'll just have to do the best I can.

So I'll probably mutter under my breath this week, "You are only one person. You're not responsible for the success of failure of your team nor the run. Do your best and enjoy the day." If you hear me, just ignore my attempts at rationalization (which of course, as stated in the definition, won't be good enough for my psyche).

I know I sound a bit irrational. I understand that, but it doesn't tamp down that natural feeling of responsibility. It's who I am.

Your responsible friend,
Tina