Last night, the last few days caught up with me and I was feeling pretty low. Yup, the I-just-want-to-cry-and-feel-sorry-for-myself variety of low. I haven't felt well for a few days and I threw up last night for no discernable reason. My stomach hurts regularly in the evening and the depression is still lingering around the fringes of my mind.
Although I had a burst of energy yesterday morning, when I did my taxes, budget, bills and other paperwork, I was a tired basket case by the time the post-dinner hour rolled around. Good thing I was alone, with Michael schlepping Tara to her horseback riding lessons and Noah hibernating (as he usually does) in the basement.
The jury is still out on how I feel today. I have to go to some appointments, so I have no choice but to get out and about. Just over a month ago, I went for my annual mammogram and breast MRI. Apparently, the mammogram showed something they need to check out further. So today, I head into the hospital to have another mammogram and a breast ultrasound. But I'm not too worried because apparently a high percentage of these tests indicate results where the woman needs further examination, and it usually turns out to be nothing concerning.
All this is because I have the BRCA-1 gene (and it's misbehaving). But it's better to be safe than sorry and if yearly screenings and extra tests are required, so be it.
Hopefully, the activity of going to the hospital, through the tests and having something active to do will pull me a little further out of the depression basement. Of course, then it's off for another round of chemo tomorrow. Luckily, I should have a good day or two before I have to start it all again.
As usual, I have to keep telling myself to take it one day at a time.
Tina
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