Restless

I'm sitting at my computer this morning, wondering what to blog about and realized I feel restless. It's March Break and I have no specific plans for my kids. I wonder what they're going to want to do to occupy their time and worry they'll quickly complain about being bored.

To top it off, Noah's technically been banned from electronics - the one activity that could keep him happily engaged all week - because of an incident at school on Thursday that got him suspended for the first time this year. The fact this is his first suspension is a giant step forward for him developmentally, as he'd been in serious trouble several times before March Break in previous years; but it's also extremely disappointing because we thought (perhaps unrealistically) we were past suspensions for social behaviours. That this happened - with the usual loss of electronic privileges punishment - at March Break just makes my life more difficult.

In addition, I'm never sure how I'm going to feel these days- not even from hour to hour. Even though this is a bonus week off from treatment, at various times, I've felt extremely exhausted, bloated, gassy, uncomfortable, headachy, etc. I would have thought I'd feel better and be able to do more, but I'm still limited by various side effects. Maybe they're from the cancer itself or the drugs I am on, and not the treatment. Sometimes the chemo makes me feel better, at least for a few days.

So I have four and a half days (before I have chemo on Friday afternoon) stretching before me with no specific plans. Originally, when I was going to have chemo on Friday, they were going to go to their grandparents for two days and their Omi was going to occupy them. Now it's me that has to occupy the time and minds of two kids.

I don't feel my best, yet I also feel a bit restless and bored (like I should be doing something constructive). My son's lost electronics and my daughter's leg is just recovering from a sprain (it's almost healed), which makes amusement challenging. I'm going to have to wrack my brain and come up with some activities to prevent them from watching TV all week. I think I may look into movies, bowling or swimming excursions, and see what we can do.

I know I should be thankful for this time with my kids, yet it makes me feel pressured and anxious because I'm not sure what to do and have reduced energy to engage in activities. (They're also getting to the age where they don't want to hang out with mom.)

I also think my restless, anxious feeling are a result of having to wait an extra week between treatments. I'm always eager to kick some cancer butt and having to put this latest dose of chemo off for a week doesn't make me happy. As the saying goes, I want to get the show on the road (the show being this different, and hopefully improved, type of chemo that encourages the cancer to die).

I think a little meeting with my kids is necessary this morning so they can help make a plan for the week. We'll get some ideas for activities with and without me, and I'll do what I can when I can. That's the best I can do and I'm sure they'll understand.

Tina

P.S. We just had the meeting and now we have swimming, a movie and some outdoor excursions planned.  I feel better about the week already.