Ironically, after I wrote my blog this morning, I read an article in More entitled The Good Long Marriage. The article says, it takes a little luck, a lot of stamina, and, of course, love to make a union last.
The author, Judith Timson, wrote about the cycles of marriage: "actual trackable cycles of love, the indifference; of rage, then acceptance; of sweet complicity, then low-level take-for-grantedness. I learned you just ride them out, knowing they will end."
She also talked about having "to strain through the years to keep seeing your mate. Aparthy is the real marital stalker, the real marital killer." and how the sheer demands of raising children together "could cause anyone to doubt whether her marriage was even worth it, let alone whether it could survive."
Despite these marital, the article quotes a statistic from the Vanier Institute of Family, which says only 40 per cent of marriages in Canada today end in divorce. That means 60 per cent of married couples are staying together.
During the course of a marriage, children grow and people learn to communicate, including knowing when to stay silent, Timson says. "In short, you face crises of every imaginable stripe - finances, illness, death of loved ones - and if your mate has held your hand firmly throughout, you're reassured and thankful."
As I pondered in a previous blog, Timson doubts whether eHarmony would have matched her and her husband. I guess a computer can't necessarily predict true love.
With time, a long marriage can provide the opportunity for a second marriage, with the same man. ``If you are lucky, you get to remarry your mate down the road, falling in love all over again. This is what midlife marriage can feel like," Timson says.
I'm not sure if 15+ years qualifies as mid-life marriage, but I understand and look forward to continuing with the cycles, stages, nuances and opportunities marriage provides.
Tina
P.S. Okay, I'm done being mushy now. But that's just the way I felt today.
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