Today I head to Hamilton for my six-week check up. At this appointment, I'll give blood for testing - including my hemoglobin and CA-125 - then talk to Dr. H and my research nurse, C. We'll discuss any side effects of the Olaparib, which I'm happy to report are minimal and sometimes non-existent, as well as any aches I'm experiencing.
I have a few sensations that concern me, but I don't know if they're reason to be worried or my new body. My whole abdomen feels looser, especially in the hot tub with the jets pounding on my lower back. I feel sensations and slight pressure my vaginal and anal areas. It's weird and hard to describe. It also isn't as noticeable (or disappears completely) when I'm on dry land.
My back aches when I sit in the wrong type of chair for too long. The pain then travels around and affects my ribs. But this isn't a new phenomenon, and is probably a result of my weakened back and ab muscles. I also still tire easily, but then again, with my return to work I'm doing a lot more. Hopefully my hemoglobin is on the rise and I'll build up my stamina.
As I write, I realize those complaints are really minor, but I worry anyway. I think it's the time of year. For the last two years, spring sucked. In April 2009, I was diagnosed with cancer and in May 2010, I had my reoccurence. While I've managed to think about cancer less over the last few months (and worry less than I did at this time last year), the topic occasionally makes its way to the forefront of my brain. One evening last week, I went down the slippery slope into despair thinking about the possibilities.
I'm sure there's a constant, niggly thought of reoccurence in the back of my brain as spring approaches. While this appointment may help ease some of my concerns, it's the next one with the CT scan and physical exam I'll be anticipating. I want confirmation via imaging the cancer is still small and sleeping. I need to know if the Olparib is continuing to work its magic.
I know I have to believe.. For the most part, I'm optimistic, but I'm human and sometimes doubt. I so desperately want this treatment to work and for it to add years and years to my life. In the short term, I want to enjoy a great summer, free of cancer and treatments.
Tina
Tina, as you know, I can definitely relate to the worries and anticipation for appointments. I feel like I see my doctor more and more each year out of fear that some ache or pain is the real deal. I apologized to my doctor last Friday when I went in because I said I felt annoying, and she reassured me that I'm not and that it's completely normal and almost expected for people effected by cancer in some way to react in this manner. But still, returning to my old carefree lifestyle would be ideal! But it's better to be cautious I suppose.
ReplyDeleteI am quite optimistic that you will have the fabulous summer you desire. :-)
My Friend,
ReplyDeleteI have learned not to dismiss anything new, as far as symptoms or new pain. I've become so in tune with my body, that when something new crops up, it's a whole new issue I'll have to deal with. But then, I'm the poster child for side effects and hospitalizations.
I have whole other thoughts for you, though. Yes, there may be things going on, but the Olaparib is working for you. Of course you tire easily! Your body is fighting every minute of every day. It takes so much energy just to get out of bed on some days, and here you are- back at work- probably throwing yourself head-first into it.
I'm praying for good results for you, and I'm also praying you get as much rest as possible. Keep that attitude up, Tina. You got your Wonder Woman outfit on.
xo
patty