It's chemo day

It's chemo day! It's chemo day!

Yes, I know, I shouldn't be excited, but I am. I want to get more of those toxic, cancer-killing chemicals in me so they will work. I want to move forward. I want the cancer gone. I want to feel normal.

Normal is exactly what I didn't feel yesterday; I felt awful. My stomach hurt terribly. I had sharp, gas-like pains in my stomach and abdomen, cramping, vomiting and a general feelings of unwellness. I consumed mostly liquids (because I didn't feel like eating) and then when I ate dinner, I saw it again, and again.

I was extremely worried by the pain because it reminded me of the type that sent me to the hospital for emergency surgery because of a perforation. But, that pain didn't have the gas movement that accompanies this particular discomfort. So I'm hopeful it's nothing too serious.

While I don't see Dr. W today, I will mention yesterday's symptoms to my chemo nurse and ask her to pass along the news to him. I would love to discuss this latest phenomenon.

Of course, it could be any number of things: residual pain from the paracentesis, gas build-up in my body (that I always seem to have), a virus (there are many going around), too much Activia and Bran Buds on Tuesday, a fluke, an ulcer. Who knows? What I do know is when a day like yesterday happens, I, and everyone around me, gets incredibly worried and stressed.

I wish I had some answers. Is this chemo working? Is the cancer shrinking? What is this gas I seem to have all the time? Am I damaging my body by taking steroids regularly? When will this all come together?

I was so positive the other day, and I wish I could stay that way, but this journey is a roller coaster of ups and downs, highs and lows, optimism and depression. And it changes day by day.

Thank you for accompanying me on this wild ride.

Tina