Hopeful 2012

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all.
- Emily Dickinson

As I sit and sip my Hawaiian java on this first day of 2012, I contemplate the concept of hope because I'm confident this young, new year will be better than 2011. I wait for this year's first dawn with optimism, belief and faith good things will come my way during these coming 366 days of 2012.

As I wrote yesterday, my 2011 was a terrible year. So, I have to have faith this coming one will be better for me, my family and friends. Of course, there are no guarantees. Life isn't like that. But I choose to be hopeful, and that works for me.

I'm generally a glass-is-half-full kind of girl. One who examines situations to try to find the good in them. I get dragged down by constant complaining and pessimism, which negatively affects my mood and how I look at the world. So I try to avoid these types of people and situations.

Yet, over the past year, I've discovered holding onto a hopeful attitude becomes exceedingly difficult in the presence of pain, continual disappointment and stress. As a result, I've been far less confident in my health, my ability to beat my ovarian cancer, my returned and/or prolonged good health, if I'll ever feel better again and even in the length of time I've got left on this earth. My mind and body have ventured into some pretty dark places. I've retreated into my own shell and let despair wash over my soul.

I've discovered first hand hope's biggest nemesis is fear.

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

This quote reinforces, things will not always go our way in life and we'll need to deal with the disappointments it dishes out; while not losing site that an astounding experience or person could be right around the corner. It may be a small event in a sea of grey that brings the sunshine to break up the clouds.

Yet to be truly hopeful is scary because it make us vulnerable. It forces us to open our hearts to the possibilities that can be, while leaving those tender parts of ourself subject to pain if all goes awry. Then we could be left feeling scared, disillusioned, hurt, humiliated and disappointed. No one likes to experience these negative emotions, so sometimes it feels easier not to hope.

Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

But on the flip side, believing and allowing hope to blossom can bring joy, love, kindness, serenity, peace and optimism. It can brighten the darkest day. It can give strength, even when all was thought depleted. Hope gives courage. And quite honestly, during my journey with cancer, I need courage and therefore, I need hope. Honestly, I think we all need a little hope.

So do we choose hope? Do our experiences shape our capacity to believe? Are we naturally predisposed to it? Or is it a combination of factors, experiences and choices?

Some people are more hopeful and optimistic than others. We encounter both in our lives every day. There are some on this earth who've been through horrible situations, live in impoverished conditions or war-torn countries, yet seem to be some of the happiest, hopeful people on the planet. Then you'll meet an average Joe, who's lived a pretty fortunate life, who's a down-in-the-mud pessimist.

I believe having hope is a combination of factors - nature, nurture and choice. I'm think I'm naturally hopeful. I also think my upbringing and many experiences in my life fostered this attitude. I also choose to believe. It makes me feel better, it gives me a better perspective on my life and how I treat the people in it. As a result, I give people the benefit of the doubt, I try let go of little slights, I wish friends and strangers well, and believe others are acting honourably and with sincerity. I try not to look for the bad in every encounter and let it affect my day, but hope for good intentions and move forward.

I may be naive, but it makes my life more fulfilling. And really, it's my life for which I'm responsible.

When I'm really hopeful, I experience a bubble-like presence that feels like it rises up and out of my chest. It's like a glowing light that shines from my heart and soul into the world. If it's strong enough, I believe others can get enveloped in its glow and the feeling is shared. It's easy to receive hope from others, but we have to be open to it and be willing to subject ourselves to its vulnerability. But by doing so, we open our hearts to the possibilities it brings.

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
- Dale Carnegie

I'm not any under false illusions that just because the calendar page flipped to 2012, all my medical troubles and woes are going to suddenly disappear. I've been running on this hamster wheel a little too long (and hope is not magic). But I am choosing to be hopeful I'll see some tangible results from my treatments. I'm making a conscious decision to have faith in the path my doctor and I have chosen or, if necessary, that I'll be shown a new one to pursue. I have confidence good events are coming my way and I'll encounter more joyful experiences in 2012.

I'm making a conscious decision - even though I know it's not always going to be easy - to make 2012 a more hopeful year, and believe my health, my happiness, my situation will improve. I know I will be far more content with life if I believe.

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.
When all my plans and hopes are fading like a shadow,
when all my dreams lie crumbled at my feet,
I will look up and know the night will bring tomorrow
and that my Lord will bring me what I need.
- Gloria Gaither

I believe in hope for today, tomorrow and into 2012. I wish you also have hope, confidence and belief this year will be good too.

Tina