Chemo day

I head to the chemo suite this morning for treatment 5B feeling very frustrated, when I should be excited. Okay, maybe excited is a bit strong, but at least happy. After today, I'll be done five of the six rounds of the toxic juice, with theoretically only treatments 6A and B left. But I know that's won't be the case. I'm not done. My cancer is only stabilized now, not beating a hasty and rapidly shrinking retreat - and that's not good enough.
I feel only a little better and I can currently feel the ascities rounding out my belly again. I'm still throwing up and feel unwell from the cancer, not just from the side-effects of the treatment. While I'll ask if my CA-125 has dropped, I suspect it is still hovering around the 200 mark.

By this point, I should be dancing with joy at how well I feel between treatments, and bounding into the cancer clinic confident in the knowledge the chemo is going to knock out the last of those pesky bits of tumours.

But I make my way to the chemo suite knowing the harsh chemicals they'll pump into me today will only continue to try to hold my disease steady. I'm angry the tumours still have the size and energy to create ascities and wreak havoc in my body after almost five treatments!

At my next appointment, I'm going to ask about switching the way we're tackling this scourge. I think Dr. W will suggest weekly treatments of Paclitaxel next (because he's already mentioned that option). I'll ask why we aren't going to go back to the Carboplatin and Paclitaxel regime, but I suspect it's because I've already been on Carboplatin/Cisplatin for five rounds for this treatment and it wouldn't be good for my body to continue using that drug for too long.

I have no idea how many weekly treatments of the Taxol is typical. I have no clue how long the infusions take. I guess I'll learn.

But today, the chemo nurses will see my smiling (yet puffy) face and I'll hold out my arm (with its handy PICC line) for its dose of toxic cocktail. I will cheer on the ninjas it contains and hope like hell it works against the dark monsters. And I'll continue to pray this cancer shrinks and goes away.

Wish me luck,
Tina