Bull by the horns

I've mentioned that life doesn't stop, just because mine stutters for a week or so. But why does life have to present me with tough stuff when I am feeling weak and disoriented? I actually asked God "why" yesterday after talking with Noah's school for the fourth time in two days.

It's been a crazy week. I know it's only week 3 of school, but he's had some behavioural and listening difficulties at both home and school, and they came to a head yesterday. Fortunately, I was just strong enough (or was I just as strong as I needed to be?) to start to deal with them. Next week, I'll meet with the school and try to sort out goals, expectations, responsibilities and strategies for working with Noah. I feel so unprepared as a parent to actually deal with these types of situations, so I stumble along and do the best I can.

In the whole scheme of things, the transgressions weren't that bad. But he's been pushing the envelope in all aspects of his life, so I had to have a serious chat with him last night. At one point, he said, "I've already blown it." What?! Third week of school and he's done trying?

I said, "It's never, ever too late" and encouraged him to start over and try again. It doesn't do anyone any good if he throws his arms up in the air and quits trying. I'm not going to give up on him. (And I don't want anyone giving up on me either.)

That's one of the lessons I've learned during my cancer journey. If it's really important to you - life, family, career, painting, travelling, marriage, whatever - you can't give up on making it work. You don't necessarily get another chance. You can't always say next time or later. The trick is identifying what's really important and then sticking to your guns about making it happen. It's also being able to let go of the things that really don't matter in the whole scheme of happiness and life. 

As much as I preach that, I have to admit, I'm not the embodiment of that lesson this week. I'm sore and swollen, covered in acne, having wicked hot flashes with nausea thrown in for good measure and listless. I am not grabbing the bull by the horns and riding it with enthusiasm. I can barely give my wonderful husband a smile in the morning and get something out for dinner in the evening.

You know how much this waiting-around-to-feel-better time bothers me. I constantly have to remind myself that I'm letting the drugs work and letting my body heal. I try to reassure myself and say I have no choice. But I'll be happier when I start to feel better.

Tina