Starting to stand

Thanks so much for hanging on. Just knowing you've got my back helped lift my spirits yesterday.

I managed, even with my exercise-deficient arms, to pull myself a little higher out of that dark hole yesterday. I tested the crumbly dirt edge and I'm confident it'll support my weight, so I'll be laying on the green grass and soaking up the sunshine in the land of the living really soon. Maybe even today; despite the rain pouring outside my window.

I'm grateful to all who responded to yesterday's blog. I heard from friends I know, and new friends I haven't had the pleasure to meet. Just know I consider anyone who follows and supports me on this winding journey, through its ups and downs, successes and failures, technical mumbo jumbo and emotional confessions, wherever it may lead, a friend.

Today, I see my social worker to help me work through some of the chaos filling my brain. I made the appointment at the end of last week, when the depression was pulling me down. I feel different today, but know I need help cleaning up some areas of my grey matter. I think I'll always have "stuff" to work on, and I value the opinions and insights of my therapist. I want to be a better person by being more self aware and she helps me do that.

In closing, I want to share the lyrics of a song. A dear friend sent me the words to two songs yesterday to inspire me. I've never heard either because I don't listen to country music, but I love the lyrics. This one (yes, I'll share the other one in another blog) is a good reflection of how I've been feeling lately. But don't worry, I'm starting to stand.

Tina

Stand

By Rascal Flatts

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before it's gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place