As I look up, I see I'm in the middle of a giant staircase. Stairs ascend as far as I can see. Behind me, a seemingly equal number of stairs descend. I have a choice: Do I go up or down?
Down would be infinitely easier. Gravity would help pull me down those stony steps. But the further I go in that direction, the more pessimism, pain, misery, hopelessness, frustration and lethargy I would feel.
Going up will be difficult. Each step is steep. Each one raises me to a better place. Every single one of them will require effort and determination. But I'm tired of sitting on this cold surface in the middle of the staircase. I'm tired of being a recluse, shut away in my own home and, partially, in my own mind. I need to make a choice and move.
Of course, I choose to go up. This means:
I am going to start exercising again, even if that only means a walk around the block. I'm sure that walk around the block will lead to activities that require more exertion. But walking is a good place to start.
I am going to be less of a slug. That doesn't mean I won't be resting and getting better, but it does mean that I will stop procrastinating so much. I've even started procrastinating jobs that require no more effort than picking up the phone.
I am going to start meditating, reading positive writings, doing yoga and/or praying more. I need to work on the inside parts of me to bring more light and positivity into my life.
I am going to stop shuffling around the house in my slippers every day and get out in the world.
Yes, these are small steps, but they're ones in the right direction. As simple as they sound, they're not going to be easy. As I climb higher, I'll incorporate more ambitious goals into my plan.
But as difficult as this journey may be, I know I'm not alone. I know many friends will climb down from the places they've reached on the staircase, to help me climb a little higher. And I know, without a doubt, Michael will be with me every step of the way.
Of course, I may hit a slippery step along the way and tumble backwards. Luckily, someone will be there to catch my arm so I don't fall too far. When I get discouraged, others will give me a gentle shove from behind to maintain my momentum.
Today I take the first step. Wish me luck.
Tina
This post made me smile. I am cheering you on via cyberspace (AND carpeting those stairs to keep you warm on days you need to sit down and rest)! Goodluck, Tina!
ReplyDeleteup UP and Away. One step at a time
ReplyDeleteIf you end up going down once in a while, my advice is to go down on your bum (especially if Sami is carpeting those stairs). When I ask my kids if it hurts when they go down they tell me no, as long as you don't think about it too much. When I ask if they mind climbing back up they tell me no, because someone is always at the top telling them to hurry up, hurry up, we're waiting for you! :)
ReplyDeleteTina, Good for you for deciding to take those steps, but I don't think you should be so hard on yourself! Remember some of those first steps are the hardest. I am also definitely "out here" willing to cheer you on. You are not alone as you head upward. I need to climb my own staircase as well.
ReplyDelete