It was only a couple of years ago when I thought of hospitals with fondness. It was a place to have a baby or visit a patient who had surgery. In fact, I even worked at a hospital for over six years and my husband's been employed by one for over 20 years.
But early last year, when I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, my opinion of hospitals changed.
I know they're necessary, helpful and filled with good, caring people. But I guess I never expected to need so many medical services in my early 40s. I never expected to be young (okay, fairly young) and dependent on these institutions.
Having a baby or a minor procedure is far different than knowing you need to go to hospitals regularly, and will for the rest of your life. Childbirth is generally a happy, albeit painful event, and made up the majority of my hospital experience. On the flip side, cancer surgery, tests and treatments are not happy processes. They're filled with anxiety, fear, uncertainty, pain, anger and tears.
I can't even count the number of times I've visited a doctor or had a procedure at a hospital (which includes cancer centres) during the past 18 months. Sometimes I approach these visits with optimism and determination, while other times I'm sad and resigned.
Sometimes, for a fleeting moment, I think, "Maybe this is all a big mistake. I'm not supposed to have cancer. I'm not supposed to be living this life." But then I pull myself back to reality. Unfortunately, cancer can hit anyone, and health care, needles and hospitals will always play a role in my life.
My family doctor made an interesting comment to Michael a few weeks ago. She said, my patient file is the thickest one in her practice, and she receives reports about my tests and progress about once a week. At least everyone is in the loop.
Regardless of my feelings about hospitals and their employees, they're helping prolong my life. For that, I'm thankful.
Tina
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