Better

I know some of you have been worried about me and I want to assure you, I'm better than I was on Wednesday. While I'm still sad and worried, I am not overwhelmed by it all (at least not all the time). It helps that I've been busy.

While at work on Wednesday, I got super busy, which prevented me from thinking about me, me, me. I plodded through my responsibilities, and made it through the day without too many break downs.

What I am is exhausted. Heavy emotions and lots of work make Tina a tired girl. My eyes feel gritty and sunk in their sockets, my vision is a bit wonky, I have the start of a headache and my body feels heavy. I know my activity level lately is contributing to the exhaustion, but then again, a niggling part in the back of my brain wonders if I'm so tired because my body is using some of its energy to create tumours. Scary.

Oh, the wild rollercoaster of emotions that come with having cancer. I'd love to return to the days when my biggest worries were my children, budget, work, garden, planning all the activities in my schedule, vacation, getting older, etc. Cancer puts it all in perspective. (Don't get me wrong, I still worry about everyday things like having a clean house when company comes over or what I'm going to make for dinner. I just have an added worry - and a big one at that.)

But I will persevere. Cancer is not a choice, but I will certainly not lie down to it!
What I need to do this weekend though is engage in some soul rejeuvenating activities. Luckily, I get to meet my friend's new baby tomorrow morning and hang with some of my favourite people. I'm really looking forward to that.

I do want to thank you for all your support over the past few days - hugs, emails, visits to my cube, flowers. I am a very lucky woman to have such great friends.

Life is good.

Tina