Melancholy Wednesday

Like a balloon with a slow leak, my anger and excess energy escaped through the pinprick, leaving me with a deflated, latex shell. All that's remaining this morning is overwhelming sadness. I've been on the verge of tears most of the morning and I feel sorry for myself. I'm quiet and withdrawn. It's not a good way to start the day.

Of course, I'm at the starting line of another busy day at work. My project not only beckons, it's screeching at me to move faster and work harder. In a way, it's good I have this productive distraction and I'm working with people I like. My responsibility and connection to the specific tasks distract me, which gives me a different focus than sickness and cancer.

But it's not enough, because in the whole scheme of life, work is not one of the most important elements. Then I feel sad I'm devoting so much time and energy to it. But it's a tug of war in my brain - do a good job versus it doesn't really matter to your overall life.

Hopefully the sadness I'm feeling dissipates as I bury myself in writing,editing and organizing. Perhaps the touch of friendship will also ease the melancholy. I know I'm entitled to feel sad, and I will for as long as I need to, but it seems a bit of a shame on such a beautiful day.

Tina