The good, little things

It's Tuesday. The day I sink into the basement of depression and the blackness rolls over me. It's the day I get mired in the muck, with no tow rope in site.

But I'm trying to change my attitude slightly this week. I'm thankful because yesterday wasn't too bad. I kept myself busy with some computer work, reading, napping and television. With only approximately 24 hours or so to get through, I'm attempting to be positive this morning, saying I can make it without breaking down and allowing the darkness to pervade my spirit.

In the past, I've used the dementors from the Happy Potter films to describe how this state feels. They're the dark beings who suck the happiness from all those with whom they come into contact. Harry and the gang say the dementors make them feel as though they'll never be happy again. That's how the bleak, post-chemo day(s) feel to me. But I have to remember, they're short lived, then I'm through and I can face life with my (sometimes wavering) optimism again.

A friend recently wrote me an email about her strategies during some dark days - and ones I've used myself with some success - of focusing on the small, good, little things in life. I've even said in my blogs that if I focus on the good, I diminish the power of the bad. So I'm going to try to take that advice a little more to heart today and perhaps it will lessen the inky blackness and instead leave me with a less heavy, hazy grey where I can see the end of the tunnel and plod my way to it with determination and a (little) bit of patience.

So I sit here at my computer, thankful my mind can be creative enough to string thoughts together, sipping my coffee with the Cinnabon-flavoured creamer in it and planning some not-so-taxing activities for the day. Perhaps if I have some minor tasks, I can distract the dementors enough.

I'm also thinking about how thankful I am that my homecare nurse declared my wound healed enough to head back in the hot tub (although with the yucky snow/rain that is pelting the pavement right now, I'm not exactly keen on shedding my jammies for a bathing suit this morning). Most of all, I'm extremely grateful for all those friends in my village who sent words of support and love over the past few days in preparation for this round of post-chemo yuckiness. I love all your support and encouragement.

As the day progressess, I'll try to keep remembering the good things in my life and perhaps they'll be enough to produce a patronus (another Harry Potter reference) to shed light on those dementors and keep them far enough away their icy grip doesn't have a chance to invade my heart.

Then tomorrow is another day.

Here's hoping you don't encounter any dementors nor need your patronus today. Despite the cold and snow here in London (and whatever the weather is in your locale), I hope you find sunshine and light.

Tina