Crawl out of my skin

A new, unpleasant sensation overtook me last night and I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. I felt so yucky and I had such a headache that I wanted to float above my own body and escape for a bit. The sensation made me antsy and irritable.

I went in the hot tub to try to alleviate the yuckiness (that's the best word), and it helped a little. But by the end, I got restless and had to get out to try something else. Luckily, a distracting television show helped pass the time until I could drift off into slumberland and escape.

This morning, I feel yucky again (less than last night). I'm trying to keep myself busy and distracted so I don't focus on it so much. I know things tend to get worse as the day goes on, so I'm a little nervous about this afternoon, and especially, this evening. But I have an appointment with my social worker today, which should divert my attention and my home care nurse visits later, as well. I also have to make dinner, get Tara to Girl Guides and provide direction for my kids when they get home from school. I've also got a book on the go, which I hope will capture my attention enough.

A soak in the hot tub and a nap may also be in the plans.

Today is the day I expect my hair to fall out, but it still seems pretty secure. Maybe because of the lower dose of chemo, the follicles aren't releasing as quickly. I think it'd be great if I keep my very, very short style for a little longer, but I'm psychologically and physically prepared for it to come out at any time. It's only hair. It will come back . . . eventually.

I know today is going to be a bad one, but I'm going to make the best of it. As you go about your day, please think about how good you feel, the fun things you get to do, the food you're enjoying and the events you're anticipating. They're little - but oh so important.

Tina