When diagnosed with a serious illness or need invasive surgery, you may as well check your dignity at the door. The tests, procedures, examinations and care you need all mean you're poked, prodded and exposed far more than you'd ever like. While you don't really get used to it, you manage to endure it because it's necessary.
Most women discover this phenomenon for the first time during childbirth. The whole birthing process involves checking progression and progresses into the baby making an appearance. But with the pain and knowledge you're creating a baby, after a while you don't seem to care who needs to check and see.
It's a little different when you're sick. You're not creating life and you going through the very natural process of childbirth.
But I have to admit, I'm getting used to everyone and their dog checking my incision site. That often means exposing other areas of my body because I'm just in a loose hopsital gown. To top it off, I'm pudgy and dimpled. My abdomen has rarely been an area I'd willingly expose to anyone. Yet, it where all the action is for me (not a nice smooth calf or an innocent shoulder.
While embarassing, I do realize the docs and nurses have seen it all. I know this is all routine and it's just another body part to them. I'm embarassed, they're not.
It's a little embarassing getting help with care from someone other than Michael, who as my husband has seen it all. My sister has now seen far more of me than I'm sure she or I really want, but I've needed her and she's completely jumped in with help and care. She's amazing like that.
I mentioned the lack of maintaining a lot of dignity while in the hospital to the nursing staff the other day and she completely agreed.
With my cancer, surgery, clinical trials and everything going on with me, I've had to shed a lot of my embarassment and do my best to check my dignity at the door. As long as I don't lose my sense of humour and feelings of thankfulness for the care I receive, I should be okay.
Tina
Tina,
ReplyDeleteYou are right those doctors have seen it all and you can bet that your curves are not being judged and compared. In fact, your scars, ports, IV scars and pic lines are all signs of your courage, tenacity, perseverance and dignity of which they are probably in awe as are your friends, co-workers and family. My very best friend has a line that I borrow frequently “I was hot when it counted". You work it in that hospital gown girl.
Hugs, prayers and positive thoughts to you.
Karen C
Well Tina I know it's nowhere near what you're going through now, but I hear ya about childbirth. I specifically chose an old crotchety doctor to be between my legs during my time of pain and suffering. This strategy worked for the 20 minutes of delivery, but for the hours of labour I got a young good looking resident!!!
ReplyDeleteDignity at the door... but humour come on in.
Thinking of you.
Debbie M
Tina, Wow, I'm just catching up on few of your posts and all I can say is damn. You have been going through pure and total crap. I'm sorry for all the pain and worries. One thing you need not worry about is a lack of dignity. You have plenty of that. I greatly admire your honesty too and willingness to share this stuff and do so with a sense of humor on top of it! You're a beacon. All my best, Tina.
ReplyDelete