I am thankful.
I know yesterday was Thanksgiving, but I didn't get my butt to my computer to blog about it. Besides, I think I have reasons to be thankful every, single day. Yes, today (and probably tomorrow and Thursday) are going to be bad days, but I'm here. Enough said.
So here is a short list of things I'm especially thankful for today:
1. The people who love me (and all the wonderful things they do and are). I am very, very blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life.
2. The doctors, nurses, researchers and medical professionals who take care of me.
3. That I am one of 75 women in the world getting Olaparib in the clinical trial (and only six in Hamilton).
4. This is my last chemo treatment (Forever? I'm not confident. For now? Yes, and thank God.)
5. That I'm here. I've had another year to enjoy life and all it has to offer.
My list is short and sweet today. I feel myself tumbling into the black, chemo well, so I'm going to take it easy.
I hope you remembered why you're thankful this past weekend - even if it was just for the pie.
Tina
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
A hilarious way to mark 2011
Once again, I'm overwhelming thankful for all the wonderful things my village does for me. Each week, just before chemo, my fridge and freezer are filled with delicious meals and treats from my friends at work. One couple insists on sending something amazing every week. Others ask when the food is being delivered and, despite busy lives, make the effort to make something on at least one of the weeks. Those who don't feel they can cook or don't have the time, buy pre-made food or send gift cards. Thanks to all of you, we Bratschers will never starve.
But I don't only get food. Others generously donate money for gas, housecleaning or other necessities, they visit and email, buy me cofee, lunch, angels, saint medallians, crosses and other beautiful gifts, accompany me to appointments to ensure I'm not alone, participate in the Run for Ovarian Cancer, pray for me, or make other generous offers to help with my fight. I am so stunned by the giving spirit of people. I even feel guilty that I'm the recipient of such amazing support. Despite having cancer, I am incredibly lucky.
On Thursday, I found out about another astonishing, yet up-until-then secret endeavour. I'd heard inklings of a fundraiser organized by my department at work, but knew it was hush hush and didn't ask too many questions. When I got an envelope of money on Thursday to help with my housecleaner, I had to find out details.
So Thursday evening, I got a copy of the 2011 fundraising calender created by the Communications and Advertising Department at London Life. I cried at the hard work, thoughtfulness and generosity. But those tears were quickly replaced by ones of laughter. It's a hilarious creation that will bring a smile to my lips every single time I look at it.
I've been told the project was a group effort. All the designers in the department worked on various pages, others kept track of the pre-sales and organized the money, other advertised and sold to folks all around the building, the brave ones volunteered to be photographed (not knowing how their pictures would be used within the calendar pages), it's being printed by our team, and of course, many, many people from both inside and outside London Life bought copies of the amazing and laugh-inducing way to mark time next year (without ever seeing the finished product).
Wow! I'm honoured and flabbergasted. I LOVE it! I am so very, very thankful for both the calendar and their proceeds. Some days I don't have enough energy to crawl out of bed and then with the many, many appointments to Hamilton, my house gets very messy. The donation is exactly what I need to ensure I don't overdo it while I'm recovering and staves off embarassment when I receive visitors. My village once again comes through - and for the second year in a row - and gives and gives and gives. I will keep saying it, I am an incredibly lucky woman.
My wonderful village is just one of the many things I have to celebrate on this Thanksgiving weekend. But I have to admit, all those who support and love me during these battles with cancer are near the top of my list. So thank you all.
Be sure to take a few minutes to remember all for which you're thankful this sunny, Thanksgiving weekend. You may be amazed at how many items grace your list.
Tina
But I don't only get food. Others generously donate money for gas, housecleaning or other necessities, they visit and email, buy me cofee, lunch, angels, saint medallians, crosses and other beautiful gifts, accompany me to appointments to ensure I'm not alone, participate in the Run for Ovarian Cancer, pray for me, or make other generous offers to help with my fight. I am so stunned by the giving spirit of people. I even feel guilty that I'm the recipient of such amazing support. Despite having cancer, I am incredibly lucky.
On Thursday, I found out about another astonishing, yet up-until-then secret endeavour. I'd heard inklings of a fundraiser organized by my department at work, but knew it was hush hush and didn't ask too many questions. When I got an envelope of money on Thursday to help with my housecleaner, I had to find out details.
So Thursday evening, I got a copy of the 2011 fundraising calender created by the Communications and Advertising Department at London Life. I cried at the hard work, thoughtfulness and generosity. But those tears were quickly replaced by ones of laughter. It's a hilarious creation that will bring a smile to my lips every single time I look at it.
I've been told the project was a group effort. All the designers in the department worked on various pages, others kept track of the pre-sales and organized the money, other advertised and sold to folks all around the building, the brave ones volunteered to be photographed (not knowing how their pictures would be used within the calendar pages), it's being printed by our team, and of course, many, many people from both inside and outside London Life bought copies of the amazing and laugh-inducing way to mark time next year (without ever seeing the finished product).
Wow! I'm honoured and flabbergasted. I LOVE it! I am so very, very thankful for both the calendar and their proceeds. Some days I don't have enough energy to crawl out of bed and then with the many, many appointments to Hamilton, my house gets very messy. The donation is exactly what I need to ensure I don't overdo it while I'm recovering and staves off embarassment when I receive visitors. My village once again comes through - and for the second year in a row - and gives and gives and gives. I will keep saying it, I am an incredibly lucky woman.
My wonderful village is just one of the many things I have to celebrate on this Thanksgiving weekend. But I have to admit, all those who support and love me during these battles with cancer are near the top of my list. So thank you all.
Be sure to take a few minutes to remember all for which you're thankful this sunny, Thanksgiving weekend. You may be amazed at how many items grace your list.
Tina
Friday, October 8, 2010
Last one, I'm done
It only took one stick this morning in the back of my right hand and I was up and running. With an early 8:30 a.m. appointment, I swallowed my Olaparib by 8:40 and had the pre-chemo drugs flowing before 9:30. By 9:40, the paclitaxol was delivering the black ninjas to my veins. Die cancer die!
I'm a little tired, but so far that's it. Two more weeks and I'll start to feel better. My hair will start to grow back. I'll be on the road to recovery.
My CA-125 is still too high for my liking at 77, but at least it's going down and my research nurse seems happy I trust my doc and nurse are taking care of me and recommending what's right for my situation.
I'm so happy my chemo treatments are done. I can now start get through the crappy side effects and start on the next phase of my journey.
Thanks to everyone and all their support today. I even got photos of my friends at work sporting their Team Tina t-shirts. Loved it! Made me smile in the chemo suite. My supportive village is the best.
Happy thanksgiving and long weekend to all my Canadian friends. It's a great time to be thankful (the sunshine doesn't hurt either).
Your smiling and relieved friend,
Tina
I'm a little tired, but so far that's it. Two more weeks and I'll start to feel better. My hair will start to grow back. I'll be on the road to recovery.
My CA-125 is still too high for my liking at 77, but at least it's going down and my research nurse seems happy I trust my doc and nurse are taking care of me and recommending what's right for my situation.
I'm so happy my chemo treatments are done. I can now start get through the crappy side effects and start on the next phase of my journey.
Thanks to everyone and all their support today. I even got photos of my friends at work sporting their Team Tina t-shirts. Loved it! Made me smile in the chemo suite. My supportive village is the best.
Happy thanksgiving and long weekend to all my Canadian friends. It's a great time to be thankful (the sunshine doesn't hurt either).
Your smiling and relieved friend,
Tina
Yellow power!!!
Michael and I will sport our bright yellow Team Tina t-shirts as we walk into the chemo suite this morning at 8:30 for my LAST chemo treatment (ever?).
Even though it's a little snug now (damn steroids), I'm proud to wear this shirt my designer friend at work created when a bunch of friends at work started Team Tina in honour of me for the Run for Ovarian Cancer. Besides, it goes well with my teal Converse chuck shoes I bought because they were the closest colour to the ovarian cancer awareness one.
I learned yesterday, a bunch of wonderful people are going to sport their Team Tina t-shirts or wear yellow at work today in support of my last chemo treatment. Wow! They did it last year when I had my last treatment and I'm honoured they'll do it again today. I'm sure all that yellow and the yellow light another friend envisions around me every treatment will be powerful and strong.
As much as I like this t-shirt, let's make this the last time we wear it for this reason. While I'm caustiously optimistic, I need your hopes and prayers this chemo and the Olaparib continue to eradicate the ovarian cancer. A few prayers or good karma that it only takes on needle stick would be appreciated too.
Off I go to Hamilton with my supportive husband who'll fetch food and water, get me fresh warm blankets, ensure I'm comfortable, be a supportive force and even rub my back, if necessary.
Your yellow-and-teal sporting, cancer-slaying friend,
Tina
P.S. It's going to be a beautiful day, get out and enjoy it. While I'll be sitting in a chemo suite, I consider the yellow sunshine a good omen. So let's all make the most of today.
Even though it's a little snug now (damn steroids), I'm proud to wear this shirt my designer friend at work created when a bunch of friends at work started Team Tina in honour of me for the Run for Ovarian Cancer. Besides, it goes well with my teal Converse chuck shoes I bought because they were the closest colour to the ovarian cancer awareness one.
I learned yesterday, a bunch of wonderful people are going to sport their Team Tina t-shirts or wear yellow at work today in support of my last chemo treatment. Wow! They did it last year when I had my last treatment and I'm honoured they'll do it again today. I'm sure all that yellow and the yellow light another friend envisions around me every treatment will be powerful and strong.
As much as I like this t-shirt, let's make this the last time we wear it for this reason. While I'm caustiously optimistic, I need your hopes and prayers this chemo and the Olaparib continue to eradicate the ovarian cancer. A few prayers or good karma that it only takes on needle stick would be appreciated too.
Off I go to Hamilton with my supportive husband who'll fetch food and water, get me fresh warm blankets, ensure I'm comfortable, be a supportive force and even rub my back, if necessary.
Your yellow-and-teal sporting, cancer-slaying friend,
Tina
P.S. It's going to be a beautiful day, get out and enjoy it. While I'll be sitting in a chemo suite, I consider the yellow sunshine a good omen. So let's all make the most of today.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
High hemoglobin and more kilometres
Maybe it's my winning personality or easy-going ways. Perhaps they like my sense of humour or my smiling face during our visits. Or (this is the real reason), Health Canada reviewed the protocol of the clinical trial and made some changes. Regardless of this reason, the number of visits required to participate in the clinical trial during the maintenance portion have more than doubled.
So, keeping with the dwarf theme, hi ho, hi ho, off to Hamilton I continue to go.
It's a good thing I like my doc and nurse. And I was just saying yesterday, I really don't mind the drive. I also know they're taking good care of me and monitoring my situation. So it's all good.
But first things, first. My recovery and dehydrating abilities (including those two beers on Tuesday night) must be phenomenal because my hemoglobin was 104 yesterday; well above the 100 necessary to get chemo. So my last treatment will be Friday, without an additional blood test that morning. Yipee!
And since it's a go, my nurse went over the schedule after Friday. It's going to be a whirlwind of events.
My end-of-chemo CT scan is on Oct. 26, two and a half weeks after my last chemo. That's when we'll learn the black ninjas and the big, white capsules eradicated that tumour (fingers crossed). All clinical trial CT scans are done on Tuesdays in Hamilton, but, Dr. H is away at a big cancer conference - where Olaparib will be one topic of discussion - so I'll return on Wednesday, Oct. 27 for my appointment with him. At that time, we'll discuss the results of my CT scan, and do the end of chemo/beginning of maintenance transition.
I'm sure I'll get my maintenance supply of Olaparib at that time. The dose doubles during that phase, so I'll be swallowing eight of the giant pills morning and night. I also will not be able to consume anything but water between 8 a.m. and 11 a.m. and 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. That puts a bit of a damper on my social life, but I'll have to get used to it.
That means this cycle, I'll only have 2-1/2 days without the pills and their rigid time restrictions on eating and drinking. When I expressed my disappointment, Dr. H was encouraging, saying "you get to go on the wonderful drug even quicker." Yes, but I'm a little worried the side effects I experience with chemo and Olaparib together will continue. He doesn't understand the lack of tastebuds, heartburn, upset stomach, lack of appetite and general feeling of unwellness. He assured me those shouldn't be present with Olaparib alone. But he doesn't know. So I worry.
After I start the maintenance program, I need to visit the cancer centre weekly for the first three weeks. At that time, they'll monitor my blood levels and go over my list of side effects and symptoms to ensure I'm tolerating the new dose.
Then instead of every 12 weeks, as was listed in the original protocol, I'll return every six for monitoring. I'll continue to have CT scans every 12 weeks to check out any residual evidence of cancer (again, I hope there is NONE).
I wasn't upset when I learned about all the additional visits. I know it's for my health and safety. The first thing I said in response was, "I guess I'd better renew my parking card." At least, I'm getting Olaparib. That's the most important factor. The additional appointments, while a little annoying and expensive, are a small price to pay for the chance to continue to kill those cancer cells.
I continue to be the cancer slayer.
Tina
So, keeping with the dwarf theme, hi ho, hi ho, off to Hamilton I continue to go.
It's a good thing I like my doc and nurse. And I was just saying yesterday, I really don't mind the drive. I also know they're taking good care of me and monitoring my situation. So it's all good.
But first things, first. My recovery and dehydrating abilities (including those two beers on Tuesday night) must be phenomenal because my hemoglobin was 104 yesterday; well above the 100 necessary to get chemo. So my last treatment will be Friday, without an additional blood test that morning. Yipee!
And since it's a go, my nurse went over the schedule after Friday. It's going to be a whirlwind of events.
My end-of-chemo CT scan is on Oct. 26, two and a half weeks after my last chemo. That's when we'll learn the black ninjas and the big, white capsules eradicated that tumour (fingers crossed). All clinical trial CT scans are done on Tuesdays in Hamilton, but, Dr. H is away at a big cancer conference - where Olaparib will be one topic of discussion - so I'll return on Wednesday, Oct. 27 for my appointment with him. At that time, we'll discuss the results of my CT scan, and do the end of chemo/beginning of maintenance transition.
I'm sure I'll get my maintenance supply of Olaparib at that time. The dose doubles during that phase, so I'll be swallowing eight of the giant pills morning and night. I also will not be able to consume anything but water between 8 a.m. and 11 a.m. and 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. That puts a bit of a damper on my social life, but I'll have to get used to it.
That means this cycle, I'll only have 2-1/2 days without the pills and their rigid time restrictions on eating and drinking. When I expressed my disappointment, Dr. H was encouraging, saying "you get to go on the wonderful drug even quicker." Yes, but I'm a little worried the side effects I experience with chemo and Olaparib together will continue. He doesn't understand the lack of tastebuds, heartburn, upset stomach, lack of appetite and general feeling of unwellness. He assured me those shouldn't be present with Olaparib alone. But he doesn't know. So I worry.
After I start the maintenance program, I need to visit the cancer centre weekly for the first three weeks. At that time, they'll monitor my blood levels and go over my list of side effects and symptoms to ensure I'm tolerating the new dose.
Then instead of every 12 weeks, as was listed in the original protocol, I'll return every six for monitoring. I'll continue to have CT scans every 12 weeks to check out any residual evidence of cancer (again, I hope there is NONE).
I wasn't upset when I learned about all the additional visits. I know it's for my health and safety. The first thing I said in response was, "I guess I'd better renew my parking card." At least, I'm getting Olaparib. That's the most important factor. The additional appointments, while a little annoying and expensive, are a small price to pay for the chance to continue to kill those cancer cells.
I continue to be the cancer slayer.
Tina
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
The seven dwarfs
I don't know why, but I woke up grumpy this morning. I shouldn't be. I should be happy. I feel well, I'm meeting friends for coffee today, I ate pancakes for breakfast and I see my therapist this morning. But for some reason, I'm grumpy.
It actually started last night. While I was cheerful and productive most of the day, it caught up with me after dinner. I was so sleepy, I could barely talk. I know I was terrible company.
I'm still tired this morning. I suspect it's due to low hemoglobin, which makes me worried it won't be high enough tomorrow to proceed with chemo on Friday. And I so want this chemo on Friday. I want the final one to flow through my veins and deliver the stealthy, deadly ninjas to the remaining cancer cells. I want to go through the side effects one more time and then start to feel better. I'm so tired of all this.
I guess I'm playing doc by predicting my blood cell counts. That portion of me is also a bit worried because I'm also sneezy this morning. My daughter has a cold, so I'm afraid I've caught the virus, which will lower my immune system even more. But I'm taking my vitamins, drinking juice and consuming my barley, hoping they will stave off the dreaded cold. I'd be dopey to do nothing to try to help my body along.
I won't be bashful when I see my doctor in Hamilton tomorrow because I want to hear the bottom line. I want to know my red and white blood cell counts, and my CA-125. I want to know the plan. But I'll continue to hope and pray everything is okay and chemo is a go.
Of course, I should add a few new dwarfs to my repitoire including: impatient, baldy, chunky, smiley and optimistic (not necessarily in that order).
So I guess you could say, I'm Tina, the 12 dwarfs. I have the stature for it.
From your short, multi-faceted friend,
Tina
It actually started last night. While I was cheerful and productive most of the day, it caught up with me after dinner. I was so sleepy, I could barely talk. I know I was terrible company.
I'm still tired this morning. I suspect it's due to low hemoglobin, which makes me worried it won't be high enough tomorrow to proceed with chemo on Friday. And I so want this chemo on Friday. I want the final one to flow through my veins and deliver the stealthy, deadly ninjas to the remaining cancer cells. I want to go through the side effects one more time and then start to feel better. I'm so tired of all this.
I guess I'm playing doc by predicting my blood cell counts. That portion of me is also a bit worried because I'm also sneezy this morning. My daughter has a cold, so I'm afraid I've caught the virus, which will lower my immune system even more. But I'm taking my vitamins, drinking juice and consuming my barley, hoping they will stave off the dreaded cold. I'd be dopey to do nothing to try to help my body along.
I won't be bashful when I see my doctor in Hamilton tomorrow because I want to hear the bottom line. I want to know my red and white blood cell counts, and my CA-125. I want to know the plan. But I'll continue to hope and pray everything is okay and chemo is a go.
Of course, I should add a few new dwarfs to my repitoire including: impatient, baldy, chunky, smiley and optimistic (not necessarily in that order).
So I guess you could say, I'm Tina, the 12 dwarfs. I have the stature for it.
From your short, multi-faceted friend,
Tina
Monday, October 4, 2010
The good week
I LOVE this week during my chemo cycles. During this time, I feel good, my body gets stronger and my mind is clearer, I can eat what I want (because my stomach isn't rebelling), when I want (because I don't have Olaparib time restrictions).
This is the week when I love life, and am able to go out there and enjoy it.
Michael and I had a productive weekend, which makes me feel good. We cleaned and organized parts of our house. While it wasn't the social weekend we had planned due to a mutant cold virus and my compromised immune system, I feel normal and productive. Hope you feel better, Di.
Of course, during this week of feeling good, I visit my doc in Hamilton and then (fingers crossed) have my LAST chemo treatment! C'mon red blood cells.
To prep for my blood-test appointment on Wednesday, I'll have to drink a couple of beers on Tuesday night to dehydrate myself. Oh the sacrifices I make. Alcohol just started agreeing with my stomach on Saturday, so I can now enjoy those medicinal beverages.
I have to admit, I'm eagerly anticipating this continuous feeling of well-being when the chemo treatments are done. Thankfully, that's just around the corner.
Happy Monday.
Tina
This is the week when I love life, and am able to go out there and enjoy it.
Michael and I had a productive weekend, which makes me feel good. We cleaned and organized parts of our house. While it wasn't the social weekend we had planned due to a mutant cold virus and my compromised immune system, I feel normal and productive. Hope you feel better, Di.
Of course, during this week of feeling good, I visit my doc in Hamilton and then (fingers crossed) have my LAST chemo treatment! C'mon red blood cells.
To prep for my blood-test appointment on Wednesday, I'll have to drink a couple of beers on Tuesday night to dehydrate myself. Oh the sacrifices I make. Alcohol just started agreeing with my stomach on Saturday, so I can now enjoy those medicinal beverages.
I have to admit, I'm eagerly anticipating this continuous feeling of well-being when the chemo treatments are done. Thankfully, that's just around the corner.
Happy Monday.
Tina
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)