Goodness reminders

While I wasn't completely incommunicado because I had my Blackberry, I did take a hiatus from my blog during my vacation to the cottage this past week. It's quite difficult to see the web page on the tiny screen, so I just didn't write. This was my longest absent stretch since I began blogging over two years ago. Even when I had surgery or traveled to Cuba, I blogged. Hopefully absence made the heart grow fonder and you're happy I'm back.

I want to share a few significant events happened over the past week. The first two highlight the goodness of the third.

Horrible accident
First, I want to send a cyber hug to all those from London Life, and their families and friends involved in the bus crash on Thursday night during a company-arranged bus trip to New York city. Sadly, the driver of the transport truck involved in the accident died. While some of the London Life crew were seriously injured, all the passengers survived.

It's incidents like these - the kind that change lives in the blink of an eye - that make people stop and remember their priorities in life. These scary jolts back to reality prompt "I love yous" and thanfulness for the life's goodness.

Big as a house
When the doc drained 3,800 mL of ascities from my abdomen a week ago Friday, the cancer cells must have deemed the extra room as reason to party and create even more fluid. While the paracentisis, brought much-needed relief for a few days, by Tuesday I could feel my belly starting to expand once again.  Now I'm as big as a house.

To strangers, I'm sure I look like an older pregnant woman, waddling around, rubbing her back and generally feeling uncomfortable. Michael says I look bigger than when I was pregnant, which I find hard to believe because I was humongous. But I was proud of those mountainous bumps beneath my shirt because I was creating life. This is all fluid and it's the exact opposite of life-giving.

I've gotten to the point where I can't eat much, my beloved coffee creates painful acid (because I think my stomach is shoved into my chest region), the fluid continuously presses into my ribs and back, and sleep is uncomfortable beyond a few hours at a time. Every movement in my stomach and abdomen - gas moving, hunger pains, etc. - creates pressure on the fluid, which in turn exerts force on my skin. As a result, it's all painful. It regularly feels like someone is trying to stick a fork into one section of my abdomen or another. And trust me, no need to stick a fork in me because I feel more than done.

But there's no sense trying to get drained now. On a weekend, that would involve a multi-hour visit to emergency. After waiting hours, I'd finally see the oncologist or ob-gyn oncologist on call, who may or may not have done paracentisis before. I don't want to be a pin cushion. I don't want to sit around in emergency. I see Dr. H in Hamilton on Tuesday to (finally) discuss my options for treatment and he'll skillfully drain me then.

But I'm growing weary of this waiting and all the fluid. I am tired to getting worse. I feel as though an alien invaded my body and I have no control over it. I want action now! Hopefully, things move quickly after Tuesday.

Toberymory treat
Both the bus accident and the fluid-filled proof of my returning cancer, reinforce I must enjoy my life each and every day. As a result, I'm truly grateful for the amazing week my family had at the cottage in Tobermory. Although my activity level was hampered by my growing belly and pain, we did take advantage of the distractions and fun in the area.

We snorkeled, swam and canoed through the crystal clear waters. We rode our bikes, explored the museum and sampled the decadent ice cream. The deck on the cottage was a perfect retreat for reading books, playing the guitar or engaging in a challenging game of chess. It was also the locale for a few family dinners. One day, we decided to take a glass-bottom boat tour to Flowerpot Island where we hiked, toured and snorkeled. It was exactly what we needed - a week away from reality.

Now we need to face it head on and move (hopefully quickly) into whatever this next stage involves. Yet, as brushes with tragedy and sickness remind us, we can't forget to take advantage of and enjoy all the good things in life each and every day.

Tina