Tina versus the giant needle

Today is the day I finally get relief from the rapidly increasing fluid accumulating in my abdomen. It's just in the knick of time (if not one day too late) because I have now grown painfully uncomfortable. My ribs and back ache, my stomach and bowels are squished and I breathe heavily with the slightest exertion.

I didn't sleep well last night. My protuding abdomen prevented me from getting comfortable and created tremendous pressure on my back. I tossed and turned throughout the night, striving for a comfortable position where I could drift off to dreamland. Instead, I dozed fitfully and changed positions frequently. And with my girth, that's not easy. It's quite the production.

The pain and the lack of sleep, to say nothing about my dread about the upcoming procedure, leave me an overemotional mess this morning. While the paracentisis - the fancy name for removing fluid from the abdomen - will provide me with relief, I hate the procedure itself.

I asked for an ultrasound to pinpoint the biggest pocket of fluid and avoid the chance I'd be used as a pin cushion. That happened last year and I needed an ultrasound on a completely different day to complete the draining. So my request is designed to prevent that possibility. But that means I need to be wheeled about the hospital on a stretcher. I have to lay really still after the ultrasound technician marks the ideal spot on my abdomen, so hence the stretcher. But I hate how incapacitated I feel. And I hate the stares as I'm wheeled throughout the hallways.

Then the paracentisis involves freezing as many layers of the abdomen as possible with a needle. Luckily, those are little pricks. The doc can freeze everything except the most internal layer. Then the big needle (I'm assuming as I've never seen it, nor do I want to) is inserted and there's some pain as it pierces the last abdominal wall and pressure. The actual fluid withdrawal via vacutainers doesn't hurt much, but it's uncomfortable. Last year, I felt the needle tip on one of my internal organs during one of my draining sessions. That's very unpleasant.

But I keep telling myself it'll all be worth it because I'll experience relief afterwards. I'll be able to eat and breathe properly again. My ability to move, sleep and bend over will improve, at least for a while. Unfortunately, I'll probably have to undergo this procedure at least two more times before my treatment, whatever that entails, begins. That thought makes me cry. But one day at a time.

I'm counting on this procedure to make it possible for me to enjoy my vacation next week. Our family is visiting a cottage we got through the Cottage Dreams Cancer Recovery Program. I'm very thankful for the generosity of the cottage owners and the program, and our entire family is looking forward to spending time in Tobermory. With some (hopefully most) of the fluid drained from my abdomen, I hope to have more energy to get excited, pack and partake in the activities of the cottage.

It's a beautiful week to enjoy a stunning place.

Soon it'll be time to put on my brave face and head to the hospital. Cross your fingers everything goes smoothly.

Tina