Unbearable

It's stunning how quickly my situation slipped from very uncomforable into downright unbearable. When I wrote my blog yesterday morning, I was moaning about my swollen belly and eagerly anticipating the paracentisis on Tuesday. Now I'm wondering if I can even wait that long. (And when one uses eagerly anticipating and paracentisis in the same sentence, you know it has to be bad.)

I can't eat. In fact, I just vomited up the small amount of dinner I ate last night. Apparently, my body isn't processing food very well. While my stomach growls every once in a while, I have no desire nor cravings to eat anything. As someone who generally loves food, this is a sad turn of events.

I can't sleep. I dose in and out of consciousness, but comfort is getting increasingly difficult.

I have a wicked headache. I'm not sure if it's from the pressure of the fluid increasing my blood pressure, the stress, the strain on my back and neck muscles, or all of the above, but I feel as though someone is trying to drive a sharp implement into the middle of my forehead. Of course, the lack of sleep and food could also be contributing factors.

I'm in a constant state of pain. Sometimes it's only a little pressure under my ribs or in my mid back. Other times, the pain has me gasping for breath. I can't even sneeze because it hurts too much. I'm taking Tylenol to help ease the discomfort, but I think I just threw them up.

Sometimes I don't think I can stand being in my body for one more second and I want to scream. I feel like the fluid is going to rip me apart. I don't feel like me any more. I feel sick. I spent almost all day in bed yesterday - on a semi-sunny Sunday - because I didn't feel well enough to do anything. Michael has to do everything around the house.

I HATE this so much. I want to swear a blue streak of nasty words and that still won't adequately describe how I feel. I abhor feeling helpless and out of control.

I'm nearing the end of my rope. Hopefully someone will toss me a lifeline soon and start pulling me towards the shores of sanity.

Tina