Superfreak

"She's a super freak
Super freak
She's super freaky."

As I continuously expand with fluid, I feel more and more like a freak. Perhaps I should run away and join the circus. Come one, come all and see spare tire lady. Her abdomen is full of fluid and it increases each day. One day, we'll stick a needle in her to remove litres of fluid and then we can watch her expand all over again.

Every morning, I carefully contemplate the clothes I'm going to wear to work. What still fits? What will camouflage my middle? What will make me appear "normal?" Obviously, I didn't do a very good job the other day because a colleague's eyes automatically went to my middle.

Now, I have to admit, that's always been one of my problem areas. I'm an apple shape and therefore pack on the pounds in the middle. But I'm not naive enough to believe the ascities fluid isn't starting to cause problems. In fact, the fluid pushes my fat out, making it even more pronounced. Lovely, just what I want.

Last week, Michael said he noticed my expanding form. And I (unjustly) feel friends surreptitiously check my freakish belly out when we're chatting to see how much I've expanded.

I know the fluid is pushing on internal organs because I am more gaseous these days and my stomach fills up quicker than in the past, making me feel incredibly full. Because I was designed to have babies, there's room in my abdomen for some fluid, but based on past experience, the ascities likes to build upward into my stomach region and then outward.

The whole situation - the cancer, the ascities, the waiting, and even the continuous pressure from my projects at work - is wearing me down.

Come one, come all and check out the superfreak. Or better yet, just give her a hug and pretend it's all going to be okay.

Tina