Almost unbelievable

In this strange, surreal, not-quite-part-of-reality place, I had an amazing day yesterday. I achieved all three of my goals.

I was so excited when my nurse walked in at 8:30 yesterday morning and said I was going for my PICC. I couldn't believe it was actually happening. By 9:30 a.m., the procedure was done and I was headed back to my room. I've now got the nutrition and all my drugs oozing in. They don't have to poke me any more!

It'll take me some time to get used to the lines and the sleeve of the PICC, but I have no doubt I'll figure it out before long. I also have to figure out what I'm going to use as a cover for the site. It's something I didn't consider before getting the PICC, but it's a minor concern now (and a slight annoyance). It's not like I had a choice, I needed the PICC, but now I'm realizing there's some unpleasant repercussions of the whole thing. Maybe a walk to the cancer centre today will give me some ideas and someone there can talk about tips for dealing with a PICC.

I also got outside yesterday afternoon. Angie and I walked all around the building in the sunshine. I got my exercise and fresh air too. It's amazing how wonderful the wind blowing on your skin feels when you haven't experienced it in a while.

I didn't think I was going to achieve my third goal - a private room - because at 5 p.m. I was still sitting in my old bed. Earlier in the day my nurse told me a man was going to be discharged and I'd get his room, but those discharge orders didn't come through. Then suddenly, I was told a room was being cleaned and it would be mine.

Just after 8 p.m., we gathered up all my stuff - and it's amazing how much stuff one can accumulate in the hospital when there for a while - and I slipped across the unit to a big, private room with a wall of windows that overlook downtown. I've only seen the sparkling lights so far, but I look forward to having sunshine, light and that gorgeous panorama of North London as I sit in my hospital bed. If I'm going to be here for a while, I may as well have a room with a view.

As well, my visitors won't bother anyone. I'm so lucky I get lots of visitors and sometimes I worried about disturbing my neighbours. And then I'd overhear the conversations of my roommates, which I know were private. So, this is better all around.

Yes, I'm up early. I had to go pee and without the catheter, it's all up to me. I was all set to get up and move my way to the bathroom independently, but then I couldn't get the NG tube pump unhooked. I'm squirming, with my legs crossed, and the tube was shoved tight. I wasn't budging it, especially from my angle. I had to call the nurse. But that also got me some overdue pain medication, which is never a bad thing.

My stomach is growling at me this morning. It's a weird sensation not being able to eat. I'm hungry, but I'm not. My tummy sometimes rumbles in protest, but my mind accepts I can't eat. Don't get me wrong, if the docs said I could start consuming food, I'd be overjoyed and ask when breakfast was coming. But I'm amazed how the brain can accept controlled hunger like this. Although, when we walked through the Tim Horton's yesterday, with all it's tantalizing smells, my stomach lurched and loudly rumbled, with an almost painful physical tug. It was screaming, "Feed me!"

My goals for today? Get outside again, get some exercise and mentally cheer for my body to heal on the inside. That's the only way I'm going to get out of this place. And as improved as my situation is, I can't wait to go home.

Tina