Frustrated rant

I haven't felt completely well since mid-June and it's starting to wear on me. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Dragging a drainage tube around with me everywhere I go is a drag. I'm starting to hate that Michael needs to change the dressings around the tube and wounds after I shower every day. The tape pulls at my skin and irritates the areas it covers, leaving them red and sore.

Since this is my fourth major abdominal surgery (two C sections and two vertical incisions), it's going to take longer for me to heal, but I'm unrealistically impatient. I despise the tiredness and the lack of stamina. I hate when I get sore and I can't even put the footrest down on my recliner chair due to my sliced up abdominal muscles. I loathe the pain that leaves me rooted to the recliner, unable to help around the house. Sometimes I feel useless, unable to perform the simple jobs I used to do.

But I don't see my situation changing any time soon. I still have to heal. And when I start treatment - whether it's the Regorafinib or chemotherapy - it's going to take a while for the drug(s) to work to dry up the ascities so I can get rid of the drainage tube. Both treatments also have their own set of side effects with which I'll have to deal.

I even dislike the PICC line - the very one I was so excited to have inserted in the hospital. I can't get it wet. It itches like crazy under the bandages and tape. It sometimes still hurts. And I have to be careful not to catch it on anything. I know it has and will continue to make my life easier for blood draws and inserting drugs, but I've had enough of having extra devices in my body.

I know I'm grumpy today. I've been feeling discombobulated for a couple of days. I just want to feel well, and I have no idea if or when that will happen to me again. I'm frustrated and on a little rant.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Tina