Hibernating

I've been incommunicado over the past few days because I've been relaxing and reconnecting with my family. For the most part, my new home reality involves a lot of relaxing, some naps and only a few activities because I've still got a lot of healing to do. I think Michael and I also needed time to cocoon and be together over the past few days, assuring ourselves I'm still here and we can tenatively move forward.

The time since I've come home has been a little surreal, as if I'm a little cut off from reality. In fact, the entire month of October has been weird. I've either been in the hospital or squirreled away in my home, the hands-down preferrable location. But my situation changes next week, as I start going to appointments and getting out, so I'm sure my life will start to feel a bit more normal then. I see Dr. P, my London oncologist, on Tuesday to discuss next steps for cancer treatment.

I spoke with my clinical nurse from Hamilton on Friday and during the conversation I learned an interesting fact: the Regorafinib had started to shrink my tumours. When Dr. H reviewed my CT scans from when I was in Emergency and compared them to the ones taken before I started the clinical trial, the cancer was smaller. After only three weeks on the drug, there was visible difference. Hunh.

I'd had my mind made up I was going to do chemotherapy. It had worked in the past to kill the cancer, albeit for short periods of time, so I was determined to go with the proven treatment. But now that I've learned the effectiveness of the Regorafinib, I have two options.

Part of me is scared the clinical trial drug caused the ulcer perforation. My nurse said that while she cannot be 100 per cent sure it didn't (because it is an experimental drug), there are no indications the Regorafinib causes these types of side effects.

So I've got a tough decision ahead of me in the coming weeks. I'll gather the data, assess my situation, pray and figure it out. I think a trip to Hamilton may also be necessary to get the information I need.

While my body is still in my little isolated world, my mind is already making the foray into the bustling world of reality. I've got letters to write, budgets to balance, benefits to submit and other computer work to do. Physically, I may take one more day to hibernate and heal in my home before popping some pain killers and moving out into the world to (more slowly) get things done. Wish me luck.

Tina