Same old, same old

I haven't blogged in a few days because I've nothing new or interesting to say.

I'm still in pain/discomfort every day from incisions, eating, gas or the cancer in my abdomen. Although I have cut way back on the painkillers, which is a giant step forward.

I'm still frustrated and impatient with my slow recovery. I want to feel "normal" now, even though I'm not even sure that's a state I can even hope to obtain. I may have to get used to my new normal.

I'm scared. I heard from at least two surgeons I was "full of cancer" so waiting around to heal before starting to target it makes me afraid it's invading and attacking other organs in my body. I'm afraid of dying in the near future and leaving all that is precious to me.

I'm lethargic and tired all the time, which frustrates me too. I'm trying to be good to myself, resting and napping, but it doesn't mean I like it.

I'm tired of not being able to eat properly. I love food, always have, and it annoys me when I can't partake in its cheesy, saucy, crunchy, savory, sweet or chocolatey goodness. Even my beloved coffee went by the wayside this morning because my tummy protested.

Wah, wah, wah.

Okay, for some good news, my mom and dad are both healing well from their surgery.

Noah is doing really well in high school. His marks are great and his spirits high.

Michael is doing better than he was, and coped quite well with the stress of me being in the hospital and my recovery.

It's been four and a half weeks since my impromptu surgery (can you believe it?!) so I can start cancer treatment soon. I meet with Dr. H in Hamilton tomorrow to discuss my options and hope to have a plan within the next couple days for eradicating the cancer in my body. Then I can move forward instead of feeling stuck in stasis.

Again, I need to remind myself to be patient and take one day at a time. To focus on the good things, even when it's difficult. Those are the things that make life worth living.

Tina