Emotional effect of words

As a writer, one of the biggest compliments I can receive is feedback on how I string my words together to form a message. Lately, I believed I'd lost the ability, drive and/or energy to create compelling blog posts. When reviewing some of my earlier posts, I'd marvel I actually wrote a particular piece or came up with a clever turn of phrase.

But over the past few months, I've felt my writing has been so mundane, solely updating you on doctor's appointments, medical jargon and side effects. Part of this journey involves all that necessary information because it explains the day-to-day realities of my journey with cancer, the toll it takes on my body and the unsavory side effects, but it easily becomes tediously boring.

In my brain, I blamed the weariness of my long trek with my unsavory companion, cancer, and I lamented my loss of creativity. I felt uninspired, and more importantly, uninspiring.

Then yesterday, out of the blue, I was able to create an engaging blog about my unhappy dance with cancer. The words easily flowed from my fingers as I sat at my keyboard, so they'd obviously been percolating in my subconscious.

I haven't received a lot of feedback from my writing recently, which could stem from a myriad of reasons ranging from reader busyness, the lack of inspiring writing or the inability to post on blogspot, but I did hear from four people about yesterday's post via comments, emails and Facebook. The range of reaction surprised me a little.

Two were extremely bothered by my post, and the sadness and weariness it conveyed. Two marveled at my writing ability, and how I could eloquently express so much emotion and lucidity. I'd hoped for the second response, but the first one made me feel sombre.

When being honest, I can't predict the reaction of others. Nor do I want to assume what emotions my words will dredge up. But, along with one of the messages expressing sadness, one friend expressed the overwhelming belief I will beat this and live to step lightly in a dance of a different kind.

Not knowing how my readers will respond to my writing is part of the joy of blogging: I can put information, thoughts, feelings and very personal details online without witnessing the reaction. I don't see the pain, disappointment, joy, relief, inspiration, uncomfortableness nor sadness in their eyes. It allows me to be more honest than a real conversation because talking about some of these topics in person would be extremely difficult. (But that doesn't mean actual talks wouldn't be welcome either.)

More importantly, people don't need to share their reactions with me and can read from the comfort of their computer, processing the information and emotions by themselves. A blogging audience is not compelled to provide any feedback unless they want to do so. Being anonymous is part of its appeal.

But as I started today's blog, I emphasized feedback - both complimentary and constructive - is invaluable to a writer. I can only assess my work, understand how my words affect others or improve myself if I absorb the reaction of others. So thank you to those who do respond. I hope it helps me be a better writer.

In a way, I feel I should apologize when I make others feel uncomfortable with my writing, but that would be ingenuine. From the beginning, my goal has been to be genuine to the truth of this journey. So I will continue to write as I know best (and incorporating any constructive feedback from you), and hopefully, at least every once in a while, I'll be able to craft an interesting and inspiring blog that makes you sit back and revel in the truth of life.

Tina