Sweet slumber

I love sleep. Sometimes, when I'm tired, I eagerly anticipate crawling between the soft sheets, laying my head on the fluffy pillow and drifing off into dreamland. Sleep rejeuvenates us. It repairs the cells in our bodies and restores mental alertness. As humans, we get crabby or silly or clumsy when we don't get enough shut eye.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, the news came with a prescription for lorazepam to help quell my churning mind to allow me to sleep and heal. I desperately needed it, as my few sleepless nights when my prescription ran out, quickly proved. I would awake and lie alert for hours in the dark, my mind chugging through my thoughts, as my family slept.

Obviously, during that anxious time when I fought cancer, my mind needed to process the experience, my fears, and my past and potential future. At that time, I needed the little white pill to help me get my much-needed rest.

Yet, I knew after my remission was confirmed and my mom's surgery was done, I needed to eliminate the need for lorazepam. I started by cutting the 1 mg tablet (which is quite small) in half.

As of last Friday, I went cold turkey. It's been difficult and easy at the same time. I've been waking a lot more than I did previously. But only twice was I unable to promptly go back to sleep.

During those times, I was conscious of the thoughts tumbling through my mind and used relaxation techniques to silence them and help me return to dreamland. During one noctural episode, I repeatedly sang the Olympic I Believe song in my head. Obviously, I'd overloaded on Olympic coverage that day.

In addition, I'm having more noctural hot flashes/night sweats - or I'm waking up enough to notice them. These pesky surgery-induced menopause side effects are annoying and inconvenient because they disrupt my sleep for a short time as I fling the covers off in an attempt to cool down. Then again, the hot flashes I have during the day, when I'm dressed in business clothes and sitting in a meeting trying to have a professional conversation without anyone knowing I'm radiating heat are inconveient too.

I think my body is getting rid of my addiction for lorazepam though. Last night, I only woke once to experience a hot flash and then I was able to return to sleep. I'm also feeling a bit more alert in the mornings, but that could also be due to the reappeance of the sun this week.

Regardless of the reason, I'm relieved to be more cheery and positive, while elminating my addiction at the same time. Here's hoping it only gets better as I move forward.

Tina