The beginning of a tough week

I know this week is going to be difficult. While I start it knowing that, I don't know if consciousness will make it easier. But it is what it is.

I received a great quote in my inbox this morning from Lisa Coffee and her Daily Wisdom email. Mark Twain sums up my thoughts perfectly:

"Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that are forever blowing through one's mind." - Mark Twain

A whirlwind of emotions are swirling in my mind. Even as I try not to dwell on it, subconsciously, I know my grey matter is trying to process it all. As I've discovered through working with my social worker, emotions and logic often don't connect. Therefore, we don't always respond rationally during emotionally charged situations. So you'll have to forgive me if I seem a bit irrational.

Tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. I had planned to be away this week and avoid it all together. Yet, fate conspired against that plan. So maybe I'm supposed to face it while at work. Maybe it's a test of some kind.

Then on Wednesday, my mom will get her first chemotherapy treatment. Yuck! I can't even express the negative emotions I have surrounding that event. I can't even be with her. I'll be stuck at work, thinking of her as I go about my duties.

Since I live in London, and she'll need a ride back and forth to Wallaceburg, it doesn't make sense for me to be the one who accompanies her to the cancer centre. While I'd be more than happy to be the snack-and-company girl, I don't know if I'll be called on to fulfil that roll.

To top it off, these stressful events are manifesting themselves into physical symptoms. Oh, the power of the mind. Yesterday, I started feeling (imagining?) some pain in my abdomen where the tumours used to reside. It's somewhat similar to the pain I experienced before my three-month appointment in February, when I was erroneously convinced the cancer was back.

My stomach is also very upset. I don't know if it's due to what I ate on the weekend, stress, gas or emotional turmoil. It started Saturday morning and has been bothering me on and off all weekend. It seems even worse this morning.

A few minutes ago, my right eye started to twitch, which happens when I'm stressed. Great! Just what I need.

While I'd like to curl up in a ball until about Saturday, life goes on. I have a bunch of meetings this week to talk about projects for work. I will continue to exercise and try to whip my sorry body into shape. I even start a cancer survivor workshop tonight.

But if I seem a bit off this week, you know why.

Again, I return to the mantra of one day at a time.

Tina