One year

One year ago today, a single phone call changed my life. Today is the anniversary of the day I found out I had cancer.

It was about 3 p.m. I was just gathering up my gym paraphenalia to run on the treadmill, when the phone rang. The whole world seemed to slow as my doctor delivered the news: Cancer cells were found in my pap smear (which in itself is rare). She initially believed it was uterine cancer, which has a very good survival rate. Of course, further tests revealed I had the far more serious ovarian cancer.

Regardless of type, I had the Big C.

I remember sitting in my cube, phone to my ear and the very scared, sinking feeling that came over me. The sounds around me faded away as I listened to my doctor and then they magnified. The air in my cube felt heavier, slowing my movements, squeezing my body and separating me from the rest of the world, which was continuing on, the same as always. It was my world that was shifting on its axis.

As I hung up, I didn't know what to do or who to tell. Then I picked up the phone and called Michael and then my sister, Angie. I rallied two of my biggest supporters.

They helped me through the next couple weeks as I underwent ultrasounds, chest x-rays, abdominal draining, an overnight in emergency, my first oncology appointment and my first chemotherapy treatment. What a whirlwind.

I'm amazed at how much my life changed in a year.

While yesterday was a terrible, depressing day for both Michael and me, I'm cautiously optimistic this morning. It may have something to do with the yellow tulips sitting on my desk (Michael brought me 30 beautiful blooms last night and there were enough for both home and my office).

Maybe I'm able to focus on how far I've come instead of the fact I had cancer, and that it may return. Maybe today is a turning point for me. I know anniversaries are really difficult for those with post traumatic stress disorder, so I expected difficulty. I didn't expect a lightening of my mood today, though. Hunh.

As my friends, Diane and Pete said on the weekend, today should be a celebration of winning the fight against cancer and the fact I'm still here. Easier said than done. But I'm trying.

So today, join me in mourning the cancer diagnosis and celebrating my victory over it. Hopefully, in the coming years, we'll be able to celebrate many, many more years of remission.

Tina