For the love of food

I love food. I enjoy noshing on my regular favourites and exploring new flavours. I love to cook, experimenting with recipes and new dishes. I even love grocery stores and don't mind shopping for food. This love affair makes it difficult for me to lose weight. It's hard to eat fewer calories when everything tastes so darn good.

So I find it weird to be in my current situation. The fluid-filled masses in my abdomen squish my stomach and prevent food from moving through my system. As a result, eating makes me incredibly uncomfortable. My doc gave me medication to combat the acid the masses create and encourage my body to process what I eat, but these pills aren't completely effective.

I've gotten much worse over the past two weeks and I find I'm now eating about a third of what I used to eat each day. To make things worse, I'm not getting much enjoyment from these snacks and meals. It's as if half my tastebuds have been turned off because my body knows eating will produce pain and is discouraging me from putting morsels in my mouth.

I'm never hungry any more. My stomach doesn't growl. I don't crave anything. Even my beloved chocolate holds little appeal for me. I miss loving food, despite its pound-packing properties.

I know I must be losing weight because I'm eating so much less, but it's hard to tell because of my bloated belly. But this type of weight loss, even if it's somewhat easier, isn't what I want. I worry about not getting enough of the right foods, like fruits and vegetables. I'm also supposed to eat lots of protein right now to replace what I'm losing in the ascities I'm draining. That's a lot of pressure on someone who doesn't even feel like eating (so let me eat what I want). Sigh.

And it's not just food causing the pain and bloating. Liquids do the same thing, albeit to a lesser degree. So I'm drinking less too. I used to drink several large bottles of water each day, in addition to other beverages like coffee, diet coke, milk, etc. But now, guzzling anything is a gut-wrenching experience - literally. As a result, I feel slightly dehydrated.

As challenging as loving food (and drink) could be to my waistline, I'd prefer that to my current situation any day. I'd love to eagerly anticipate eating a tasty treat. I miss creating a wonderful meal and then sitting down to enjoy it with a glass of wine. I miss chugging some ice-cold Diet Coke and smacking my lips in delicious delight afterwards.

Hopefully the Regorafinib will quickly attack the masses pressing on the top and bottom of my stomach, giving it the room it needs for me to start enjoying food and drink again (and as a result, make me feel much better overall). And it even though it may lead to the reappeance (okay, more like maintenance) of chunky Tina, I think I'd be a lot easier on her in the future as she twirls the linguini around her fork.

Tina