So very weary

Muck.
Stuck.
Yuck.

I woke this morning feeling tired and lethargic. That reality makes me mad because this is supposed to be one of my good days. One of my few good days to enjoy.

Michael is sick. He has a sore throat and a nasty cough. Luckily, I seem to only have developed a slight sinus congestion, but still, it's dragging me down. Michael is extremely worried - to the point of being agitated - that his illness will drag down my white blood cells and prevent me from getting chemo tomorrow.

To be honest, I wouldn't be disappointed if I had to skip treatment tomorrow (and then have a treatment holiday the following week). That's a bad thing to say. It's a bad attitude. But it's honestly how I feel. I would like a break.

I shouldn't be feeling this way. I should want to continue getting the cancer-killing chemo and continue down the road to remission. But I'm tired. I'm so very, very weary of feeling awful most of the time. I'm tired of trying to gear myself up for yet another round side effects.

Then I feel guilty because I have to keep fighting for all I love, want and believe in. But I don't want to fight. I'm tired.

Your weary friend,
Tina