Do you ever wish you could have a do-over? When you regret how a day went - and know it was partially your fault - and would like it back. Yesterday was one of those days.
Even though I try to be positive, like any human, sometimes I'm grumpy. (Two Sundays in a row, what's with that?) The never-ending energy of my kids and how they chose to use it, irritated me. They regularly argued with one another. That irritated Michael and me, and we were short on patience. Well, you see how this downward-spiralling cycle is going.
Contributing factors include:
- Waiting around the house for two days for the guys to replace our hot water heater and them not showing up due to their lack of communication (they didn't have the part nor the manpower to do the job, but they didn't call to let us know that). We could have gone out and done stuff, but we were anticipating their arrival.
- I hate cold weather, the salt, big boots and the accompanying mess of it all. And it was a cold weekend. Brrrr!
- My 42-year old friend who is dying of lung, bone and brain cancer was consistently in my thoughts. She could die at any time, which is a shame because she's an amazing human. Case in point, even though we haven't been in touch since high school, she asked a mutual friend about how I was doing during these last days. (I think part of it is because she started with ovarian cancer, which hid the primary lung cancer site, and she can relate to my struggle. And also because she's a caring individual.)
Now I know when I was diagnosed and going through treatment, I didn't just think about me, me, me. I don't think any person can. Lives are intertwined with others, their families, their activities, etc. When people are sick, their interest in the lives of others doesn't just stop. Besides, it's tedious thinking about your situation all the time. But I haven't really talked to this old friend in years and years, and she's asking about me. Remarkable.
- I know I have to seriously start eating better if I want to lose any of this weight. Today is D-day, the day I watch every morsel that passes my lips. I'm the type of person who gains weight simply by thinking about cheesecake. My metabolism sucks and it takes great willpower to drop an ounce. Part of me says. "Forgetaboutit. Be happy with the new, rounder you and enjoy life." But the rational part says, "You'll be healthier and feel better about yourself if you drop a few pounds (like 40)." Sigh.
So maybe my mood yesterday was influenced by the lack of chocolate I see in my immediate future.
- I may need some alone Tina time. As a natural introvert, I recharge my batteries by being alone. With the entire family hanging around the house this weekend, I think I depleted my personal energy stores, which made me cranky. I tried to read or play a computer game to turn into myself, but I was interrupted regularly.
Regardless of the reason, I feel as though I'm being gently squeezed by a giant hand. It's not a comfortable feeling. I'm not sure those are all the reasons, but those are the ones my conscious mind can dig up.
But today is a new day and I'll try again. The squeezy feeling is still here but I'm hoping to shake it during my session with my personal trainer. Last time, we played catch with a medicine ball while I balanced on the round part of the bosu ball. It was hard! I fell off a lot! I think it's her new form of torture (oops, conditioning) for me.
So here's to a new day. We all get a brand new start every morning. We choose what we do with it.
Tina
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