My therapist and I started a new treatment process last week, with surprising results. We're using eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. The literature states EMDR is a powerful method of psychotherapy that helps relieve psychological distress.
Yes, I have psychological distress. Like many cancer survivors, I'm often worried and anxious about the disease's return. I was able to shove the anxiety to the back of my mind for two and a half months, but it's reared its ugly head during the past few weeks as my CT scan and doctor's appointment drew closer.
EMDR helps individuals focus on tramatic events so their brains can process them. For some people, a traumatic event becomes frozen in time and remembering it can feel as bad going through it the first time. This reaction can interfere with the way a person sees the world and relates to other people.
The emotional and logical sides of our brains aren't connected, which is why we're not always rational when we react emotionally to a situation or event. The EMDR process uses a back and forth motion - either visual or auditory - to connect the two sides of the brain so a person can logically process an emotional experience. The individual focuses on the disturbing memory and notices the subsequent thoughts, without making any effort to control direction or content.
Each person processes information uniquely, based on personal experiences and values. The back and forth motion or sound, and guided thought process continues until the memory becomes less disturbing and is associated with positive thoughts and beliefs about oneself.
Successful EMDR allows a person to remember the traumatic event, but it's less distressing. It can help with panic attacks, complicated grief, disturbing memories, phobias, eating disorders, stress reduction, addictions, abuse, etc.
When my social worker broached the subject of using EMDR to help me deal with my cancer experiences (because my traumatic episode wasn't one single incident), I figured why not. Why wouldn't I use a proven therapy that helps my brain heal itself? It couldn't hurt.
EMDR has a very specific process and rules. My social worker's been trained on this process and participated in this treatment option herself. So she's very familiar with how it works and what it feels like to be the participant.
During this treatment, I wear a set of earphones that transmits a tone to one ear and then the other (to connect the two sides of the brain). We began a couple of weeks ago by creating a safe place I can envision when I get overly stressed, to calm my emotions and thoughts. While I created its general premise while in her office, I've added details as I've used my safe place over the past few weeks. In fact, I used it during my breast MRI to deal with the discomfort and the claustrophobia. It worked like a charm.
During my last appointment, she asked me to pretend my nine month experience with cancer was a movie trailer to highlight the significant events. I did so with gusto, even talking about how the music swelled during the heartwarming parts, which made my therapist laugh. The initial image in the Tina cancer movie trailer involved the phone call when my doctor broke the news I had cancer.
I then had to identify the feeling associated with that particular memory from a list. My feeling: I am in danger. She then asked me what feeling would I identify with the end of the cancer experience. I chose: It's over. I'm safe now. Ironically, those two ideas were side by side on the list of selections.
With the earphones on and the sounds bouncing from one ear to the next, I focused on the diagnosis phone call - the doctor's words "prepare for the worst and then move on," the sounds I heard from my cube, the feelings I experienced - then let my mind wander. My therapist then stopped the sound and asked about my thoughts. They'd progressed to I couldn't leave my family, how much I love them, how scared I was.
Then I let my mind wander again with the beeping bouncing from ear to ear. She stopped me again to check in. I explained my thought process and she said, "go with that."
We followed that process about 10 times, following the thoughts my mind produced, with my therapist periodically checking in. These stops allowed me to put into words the images my mind produced, on which I'd focus for the next round.
My mind took me on an amazing journey. I made connections between thoughts, developed connections and discovered insights into myself. Quite honestly I was amazed. The experience allowed me to discover revelations about myself of which I wasn't conscious. At one point, I smiled in wonder and my therapist said, "that's the EMDR smile" - the amazed reaction to the mind revealing its hidden secrets.
One such discovery was that I wish I could be more like my blogger self. I am very honest and uninhibited when I write, yet in person I'm far more conservative and reserved. I feel like I'm two different people and I think people who read my blog expect me to be as open in person. I wish I could. When I write, I don't have to worry about the reaction - good or bad. Underneath it all I'm sure it has to do with my desire to be liked and my dislike of conflict. Besides, it's far easier to screw up in person than it is from behind my computer screen. (How's that for honesty? Crikies!)
We didn't have enough time to come to a resolution with that memory (making it less disturbing or leaving me with good feelings about myself), so it was considered an incomplete session. I think because it was incomplete, it opened me up even more to the feelings associated with the diagnosis memory, which intensified my anxiety about the results of my CT scan. My thoughts and dreams are vivid, which she warned me about, and my emotions feel out of control.
I think we're on the right path towards healing with EMDR and we did some really good work in that first session. My therapist likes EMDR because it produces results quicker than talk therapy and it helps individuals heal themselves. I'm sure we'll continue at our next session.
I'm convinced after one session that we're on the right track. I'm eager to discover more about myself during the next appointment.
Tina
No comments:
Post a Comment