Anticipation

It's the day before chemo and I can feel the anxiety building in me. From the moment I opened my eyes this morning, my racing mind started through the list of activities I'd like to complete today.

I feel the need to accomplish them all because it's my last day of freedom. This isn't technically true because I usually don't feel terrible until Sunday or Monday. But the voice in the back of my head says, "you never know how you'll respond to this round of chemo."

Of course, Michael would also willingly do some of these tasks, but my A-type personality drives me to do as much as possible.

So I have a list:

1. Make sure the kids have some fun activities planned while I'm recovering. My mother-in-law has tickets to take them to see Walking with the Dinosaurs on Saturday night, which will be thrilling. Michael's also talked about a movie on Sunday. And I've lined up care for early next week during the worst of my days.

2. Go to the library. My kids are participating in the summer reading program and need to submit their completed book reports to receive their prizes. Besides, it keeps them reading during the summer. While we're there, we'll pick up some movies and books to keep us all busy during the next week. You gotta love the library!

3. Complete Tara's birthday party invitations so Michael can deliver them on the weekend. Tara turns 8 next Friday and every little girl needs a birthday party with her friends (and family).

4. Ensure I have all the groceries I need for tomorrow and the coming week. One of the things that makes chemo more tolerable is Angie and I always eat yummy food. Since the actual infusion doesn't cause nausea, we pleasantly munch our way through the mind-numbing six hours.

We're going for a big breakfast at Cora's before heading to the hospital, so we've decided on a nice light lunch of sushi, which I'll pick up tonight. Angie always brings something tasty (this time it's dark chocolate covered almonds).

I'll also make sure there's some quick and easy meals for Michael to make during the coming week, when food is less of a priority for me.

I think Jodi is also delivering food from my friends at London Life this afternoon. I'm so very thankful to everyone who has provided meals because it makes Michael's life easier. It's not that Michael can't cook. It's that he has very little time to do so between work, the kids and the house/yard. So we're very appreciative.

5. Take my anti-nausea medication. This simple action affirms I get chemo tomorrow. I have to take my five little pills 12 hours before treatment and then five more six hours before (yup, in the middle of the night).

I get more anxious each treatment. I don't know if it's because the side-effects are getting worse, I'm tired of being a pin cushion or I'm growing weary of the whole process. Regardless of my feelings, it has to be done. So another task for today is to mentally prepare so I'm strong for treatment.

6. I will probably also make banana bread with Tara. She loves baking, the whole family loves eating this yummy treat and I have three very ripe bananas that need to be used up.

My list isn't that long, but it'll keep me busy - and that's okay. I like having days where I can be productive, especially since I know those unproductive, recovery days are right around the corner.

I hope you feel productive today too. Remember to count and celebrate the simple and personal accomplishments too. They all count.

Enjoy your day,
Tina