Goodbye yesterday

Your eyes didn't deceive you and nothing was wrong with your computer. I didn't blog yesterday. I didn't feel I had anything new or interesting to say. But a couple of people questioned me in incredulous voices, "you didn't blog today?" In response to my "no," I got stunned silence.

So I'm back writing today.

I didn't feel quite right yesterday. As the day wore on, the feeling of general yuckiness (yes, that's the medical term) intensified. I didn't sleep well the night before.

First, I didn't fall asleep quickly when I went to bed. Then the 2:30 a.m. torrential rain had me scrambling to close the affected windows. When the rain let up, Michael and I reopened the windows to try to catch a breeze. Then we repeated the closing and opening process when the rain returned.

Our air conditioning is on the fritz. It worked for a short while on Monday so I was able to enjoy the blessed coolness. But I think it froze up and conked out Monday night. So we've been making due with whatever breeze we can catch from the windows and lots of fans.

While Michael went back to sleep after our window exercise, I laid awake until about 4:30 a.m. I contemplated just getting up and writing off the night. I'm glad I didn't because I eventually fell asleep again. But I was tired yesterday and my stomach was upset. I may still be fighting a cold.

The humidity and the rain (and the need to open and close the windows) probably contributed to my poor sleep - and grumpy mood yesterday.

I'm angry because this isn't how the last few days of good health before chemo are supposed to be. I'm supposed to be able to enjoy them so my willpower is strong for the six hour infusion and the dreaded week after.

To top it off, Michael injured himself at work yesterday. He sustained a gash across his shin, bled all over the loading dock and then spent three hours in urgent care at St. Joe's (good thing he works there). He required five stitches! Then, because the department is short staffed due to vacations, no one could fill in for him and the work piled up. He stayed late last night. Poor guy couldn't even go home when he hurt himself.

I hope today is an all-round better day. I got a good sleep last night (but weird dreams) so I think I feel okay. I will do something with my kids so they don't spend the whole day with electronics, which drives me crazy. But I often don't have the energy to fight with them about it. Michael is going to have an uneventful day at work. And I have a dinner guest coming tonight and I'm sure I'll enjoy her company - and perhaps a few glasses of wine.

So all in all, I'm planning on it being a better day. I have to repeat my mantra to myself - one day at a time - and live by it. Yesterday is done and I have to make the most of today.

It's all any of us can do.

Tina