I've come a long way in a day. My brain churned yesterday, processing all the bad information. I don't have any solutions nor do I accept any of the information as certainty, but I've decided that my attitude is paramount in how I handle this journey.
I am going with the attitude that I am NOT a statistic. I believe I can make it.
Yes, the information from the Dr. W was bad. But I'm younger than the average ovarian cancer survivor, I have the lucky(?) BRCA gene and I have a positive attitude. I can't focus on what may happen. I can only focus on being as positive as possible.
I always envisioned living into my 80s. With the long life expectancy rates for women, the fact that I've never smoked and how healthy I'd been, I figured age 80 sounded about right. Who knows, I may still make it there. Probably not, but I'm not going to let that get me down.
I've met 17 year ovarian cancer survivors. I know there are women out there who've bucked the statistics and lived for years and years. And given my history and my attitude, I plan to do the same thing.
As for my mom, nothing is certain yet. She still needs tests and results. So I can't focus on the what if, how can, what should I, etc. I can only wait and see, and hope for the best.
A friend said I should have a theme song. The one chosen for the 2010 Olympic games, Believe, was written and sung by a talented Canadian artist named Suzie McNeil. Its lyrics seem quite appropriate. Here's are some of them:
It's like I'm falling through my own fears
They used to haunt me, but now they're not here
There's no looking back, my future is clear
No giving up
And I'm holding on when it gets rough
Cuz you can get through most anything
If you just believe
You can move mountains with dreams
The higher you climb
The better it gets
Cuz you will see things
You'll never forget
If you just believe
No one says it's easy
And no one says you have to be perfect
But as long as you try
You're always gonna find
It was worth it
I believe I can beat the odds. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my life for as long as I'm living. In the end, that's all any of us can do.
Tina
Hey Tina, You bet your petunias. The likly hood of breast cancer striking me again was 87%. 1995 when discovered and here I am 2009 and still going strong. I have just done up my canning again this year. Something that I have left behind and found again. Something I enjoyed good thing I did not throw out my canning jars. I love my pack rat husband.
ReplyDeleteI have started knitting again, with joy. The things I left behind but I have found and enjoy thorougly. (hey did I spell that right) It is all attitude, and from what I have noticed in our family is that we all have a little of that. (hehe)Keep going strong. The thing that cancer did for me was I always wanted a high school diploma, so I did it. Then next thing you know I was enrolled in college. The oldest in my class but they new where to get an asprin and a band aid when needed. Do what is important to you and your family. You have a good husband, I was also fortunate. (Dang no spell check here)
Just do it. I found it amazing at how special every moment was after going through treatment. You realize it is special all along, but really; it is special.
As my daughter says "Great Job"
There can be miracles....if you believe....
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