Moving forward

The birds are chirping, the sun is shining and a cool breeze gently blows through the window. It's a glorious start to a new week.

I'm also making it the beginning of my journey forward. I struggled last week with gnawing pain, disconcerting chemo side effects, emotional fluctuations and mental inertia. But I'm ready to move on.

That's not to say I've completely recovered mentally and physically, but I'm refusing to let it get me down. I'm so tired of being a whiner and complaining (and of having something about which to complain). I like to think that overall, I'm generally an optimistic person. I know there are days when I'm frustrated with my kids, work, self, etc. and I vent. But overall, I like to look at the positives in a situation and strive to be better.

To help me continue to process the current state I find myself in (of freefall), I'm going to see the social worker this afternoon. I still have to process some of the mental aspects of having cancer. I've been physically fighting for five months, and now I have to figure out how to mentally cope with no more treatments, the chances of reoccurence, the lack of constant follow-up, rebuilding my normal life, etc.

I've also been given information about a support group for those who've tested positive for the BRCA gene. It may be helpful to talk to others who have the same genetic abnormality as me and the decisions they've faced or treatments they've gone through.

On the weekend, I realized, I'm quietly getting more joyful about my situation. While, it's still surreal that I'm done treatment and I've kicked cancer's butt (I hope), the realization that I'm just going to get better now is starting to sink in. It'll probably really hit home on Sept. 25, which would have been my next chemo treatment if I weren't done.

I look forward to getting stronger (and less tired) every day. I can't wait for my hair, eyebrows and eyelashes to grow back. It's fun to wonder what colour and texture my hair will be. I anticipate raising a glass of a nice, cool beverage on several occassions with friends, family and whoever will celebrate with me.

In short, I look forward to reality sinking in.

Tina