Cancer in the backseat

I may be in denial but I have stopped thinking about cancer almost all the time. Perhaps it's because I'm back at work and have a job to do and other people with whom to have conversations (about topics other than cancer).

I can almost go a full day without dwelling on what is happening inside my body and how/if it's going to affect me. Sure, I have fleeting thoughts about what will happen if the CT scan in January shows its return. I look at my hair in the mirror, think about how much I like it and then automatically lament that it'll go if I have to undergo chemotherapy again.

I start with a personal trainer today to get my sorry body back in shape. Then I think about what a reoccurence would mean to my fitness plan.

I'm back at work, contributing and earning a salary, but then sometimes worry about what would happen if I have to go off on disability again.

I still have some ideas to process in my mind, which will require some serious thought. I also have an assignment from my social worker that will show up in this blog over the next few days. However, it's nice to take a break from my health and my worries. Most of the time I'm not even dwelling on pains or twinges in my abdomen. I acknowledge them and move on.

I know my thoughts, feelings and fears about cancer are still in my mind, but they've taken a backseat to everyday life. I think that's because I'm not actively fighting right now and there's nothing I can physically do to change whether it returns or not.

And maybe I truly have placed my health in God's hands and trust in His plan. I'll act when it's necessary.

To me, it's a big step forward. It allows me to have a more normal life - for as long as possible. Enjoy it with me.

Tina