Friday, November 6, 2009

A new attitude - work version

It's all official, sanctioned by Human Resources, Health Services, the rehab consultant, the disability office and my department. I start my gradual return to work on Monday morning for three hours a day, three days a week. I'm looking forward to going back, being with people again and building some normalcy back into my life.

I'm also nervous about getting tired, dealing with my up and down emotions at work and getting sucked back into expectations - although I know very well they're my unrealistic expectations and not anyone else's. I can be a mean taskmaster sometimes, cracking that whip and screeching more, quicker, better!

Colleen, my wonderful boss, warned she's going to keep her eye on me so I don't overdo it and work only the hours approved in the plan. She didn't want to give me my laptop yesterday either. I think she was thinking of the old Tina, who would have felt compelled to log on this weekend if only to clean out emails or get it prepped for Monday. But I actually didn't even want it. Monday is soon enough for me. There will be plenty of time to work on all that stuff when I return to work.

Mentally, I have no intention of reverting to my previous ways, but old habits die hard. I'll have to be vigilent to slow down and be realistic with my expectations. To keep the quality, yet not the quantity.

I've always said, I work to live, not live to work. But I think I only halfheartedly lived up to that mantra and ran around like a chicken with my head cut off. Colleagues could identify my presence by the way I race-walked through the department. I always had a mission and had to get it done - now! To be honest, being very busy made me feel important and as if I were contributing.

These seven months off (as if it were a vacation!) demonstrated, while I really like my job and want to do it well, it can sometimes be a life-sucking force instead of a life-giving one. But I don't think it has to be that way. I think it depends on choice, pace, attitude and gratitude.

My social worker recently asked me if I'd thought about doing something different with my career now that I'd been through the cancer fight and its mind-altering effects. Happily, the answer was no. I like my job and love the people with whom I work.

So now I'll focus on easing back into work and incorporating (and living by) my new attitude. Life has taught me some valuable lessons and it's time to work them into portions of my old life to make the new one even better.

Wish me luck.
Tina

5 comments:

  1. Good Luck!!! But I know you don't need it! :)

    Say HIEEEEE to everyone there for me!

    Love you!

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  2. Good Luck for your re-start on Monday! Please keep always in back of your mind: What you can not do today it will wait till tomorrow.
    My thoughts will be with you!

    Love
    Renate

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  3. I'm sure that all your colleagues will be THRILLED to have you back in your cubicle,,, I'm happy for you that your life is returning to PC (post cancer) normalcy (sp?).. One day at a time honey...Have fun...xoxo

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  4. How wonderful!! Best wishes for your re-start to work on Monday!!

    So happy for you! Take it easy, girlfriend!

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  5. We wish you a great day on Monday Tina. We know everyone will be so happy to see you back. Take it easy, don't over-do.

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