Restful, sunny Thursday

I am grateful that I have today to recoup and rest. I can put my feet up, reaquaint myself with my computer, wear comfy clothes and read my book. I need today. It's been an exhilerating yet exhausting week so far.

As you know, I returned to work on Monday. There were a few moments when I experienced flashbacks from before cancer (BC) and felt sad and angry. As my social worker reinforced when we met Tuesday afternoon, I'll have experiences similar to post traumatic stress disorder, with my mind returning to the life-changing, horrifying incident when I was told I have cancer (or some other traumatic experience during my journey).

But I think I'll be able to adjust at work pretty quickly and the flashback will occur only when I experienced a bunch of first - the first time alone in my cube (done), the first time cleaning out my email inbox (done), my first meeting with business partners post cancer (PC), my first design project PC, etc. It'll take some time, and some firsts may be easier than others, but I'll get through them because I have a great support system at work.

It's humbling that work completely exhausted me, but I'll build up my stamina again. It was great to return, to go through the motions of getting ready for work, and to go in and have a sense of professional purpose. Of course, I'm slowly easing back into it.

In some ways, returning to work is like going back to watching your favourite soap opera from which you took a break for a few months. You go back to watching, the characters are mostly the same, the deep underlying storyline is the same and you just have to catch up on the most recent happenings. In a way, that's very comforting.

It's amazing how routines provide structure to our lives and give us a sense of purpose. It's good that I'm adding some non-cancer routines to my life. It's exactly what I need.

Tina