It's my life

This ain't a song for the brokenhearted
No silent prayer for the faith departed
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said, I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive
It's my life

-- Bon Jovi

I was signing along with Jon, Richie and the boys recently and these lyrics, which I'd heard hundreds of times before, touched me differently. Before, they were catchy and interesting, but now they seem to capture what I'm trying to say and how I'm trying to live.

I know my journey with cancer is unfair and evokes emotions like sadness, anger and frustration. But I also want it to inspire hope, kindness, understanding and love. I don't know exactly where this journey will lead me, but I want it to bring about some good, not break people's hearts.

Cancer also opened up my relationship with God. I've always believed - one of those quiet, non-practising believers (faith departed?). I feel a bit hypocritical turning to Him when my health took a nosedive. But I know He forgives and understands. There's a whole discussion about this, but I'm not going to get all preachy and religious on you in my blog.

I hope I am not just a face in the crowd and that my voice is heard. I hope my choices and actions make me stand out for who I am. From the outpouring of love and support I've received, I've obviously touched a lot of great people just by living my life. One day, when I'm gone (hopefully, a long time in the future), I hope people will remember me fondly for all I am.

It's my life. It's now or never. I ain't going to live forever. I just want to live while I'm alive. That says it all. I have been granted this life, with all its ups and downs, blessings and tragedies. I have to make the most of it - today - and choose how I want to live it because I only get one go-around, and it's a limited-time ticket.

So like Frankie (Sinatra for those of you in the dark), when it's time for me to depart, I want to say, "Yeah, I lived my life the way I wanted to. No regrets." I know that's easier to say than do, but taking it one day at a time and stopping to reassess every once in a while (like Tuesday) helps. It's when I was racing through life without stopping to check on my emotional health that I wasn't necessary living the way I want.

It's your life, it's now or never. Are you living the way you want? Do you feel happy/proud/satisfied that you're living while you're alive. Can you repeat Frankie's mantra? Life is too short to do it any other way.

Tina