Limbo

I'm feeling a bit anxious these days because I'm in limbo. The social worker warned me about this, but it's a weird sensation actually being in it.

I think it's because I feel a little bit better almost every day. Some days I have setbacks, which is expected (although I don't like them), but for the most part the chemo side effects are subsiding. Besides, my nurse told me today, I'll have the numbness and bone/muscle aching on and off for about six months. So, it's something I'll may have to tolerate for a while yet.

I also haven't started on the clinical trial so I'm a bit anxious about how that drug will affect me. I hope all the side effects are manageable and I'll be able to stay on it. But of course, I won't know until I start taking it.

To ease some of the unknown about my return to work, I called the disability office today. My contact will refer my case to a rehabilitation consultant, and then I'll work with that person to develop a plan to ease me back into work. I'm excited and yet anxious because I hope I can handle my job without taking a nap at my desk every day.

I think the main crux of my unsettled feeling is I feel I've beaten cancer. And my attitude is that it's not coming back (fingers crossed) so I let's get on with life.

So all the unknowns are creating a unsettled feeling in my body, which I'm sure will pass. It may be difficult, but I know I have to sit back and enjoy the recovery time. Besides, I'm sure when I'm back in the thick of the activities and issues of normal life, I may wonder why I was in such a rush.

Tina